Delight Your Marriage

Have you ever been in a place where a conflict has absolutely consumed you? Whether you're grocery shopping or with friends, that conflict is just circling over and over in your mind. Maybe you find yourself wondering how you even got there in the first place? And even more so, how to get out of that place? Well, author and speaker Donna Jones is here today to talk about just that.  In her new book “Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a Biblical guide to Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret”, Donna walks us through how to handle conflict with love and grace, how to be an Addresser of Conflict, rather than an Avoider or Attacker, how to lead with listening, and so much more.  We were sad to have this episode end because it was such a treasure! We hope this episode blesses you and brings you and your spouse closer together- shoulder to shoulder, against the problem, rather than against each other. We believe God can heal any relationship and He can use you through His w

Delightyourmarriage.com/accessories Free training to gain insights, Christian how-tos and practical tips as well as specific recommended (non-scary) intimacy accessories. I hope this blesses you!

I was confused.  There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage...  only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.  Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway?  Oh, I knew: sinful places. So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).  What's your story? If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.  I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.  I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.) I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will.  Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes

Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause.  She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of “no divorce” and began considering separation.  She knew she needed help. She was desperate. She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe.  “God couldn’t do that for me, could he?” But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time. Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner.    She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!)   We are so thankful to be able to share B

Maybe you've done something wrong... Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid... Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole...   The guilt and shame you feel may be justified.   And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life.   As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation.  We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence.   The truth is, on our own... We aren't good enough.  We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day. And we don't deserve His sacrifice.    But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers.  We are trust-ers.  We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame.    If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your

Maybe you're in the midst of a really tough season.  It feels like you're alone and barely keeping your head above water.    Marriage woes can be the most stressful aspect of a person's life.  I want to encourage you that your suffering matters.    I was walking through a museum with my son the other day, and a painting depicted a martyr who was tortured for his faith.  It was a moment that helped me reflect on the importance of my suffering every day. If a moment like that occurred, where I would have to make a choice between Jesus and comfort...  I would be strong enough and have endured enough hardship to choose rightly. I hope today's podcast will give you encouragement that you CAN endure ALL things through Christ who strengthens you.  Love, Belah PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work! Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc This may be the very best thing you've done for your marriage. Period. PPS -

If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work.  In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others.  In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions. Here's what you'll learn: What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout? Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue. Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for. Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue. I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself. I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/ If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this wi

I pulled out a fan-favorite episode to share today! If you haven't heard it, you don't want to miss this story. It'll encourage you. -- Mick is a dynamic, charismatic, but also a tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that he discerned understood him as a man and also had a proven track record for change.  After taking responsibility, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage. But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband. Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage without intentionality. He was ready to do the work and take 100% ownership for his marriage transformation and had full accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.   I encou

Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse.    Let's explore that together on our podcast today.   Be your spouse's servant.  That's Jesus' way.  If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live.   Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..." Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve," Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant." Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves." John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and s

If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage.  "But that's not normal." "But that's not healthy." "But that means someone is not being honest." Well, firstly, it's not my rule.  Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2. “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..."  "Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them...” "Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance" -- Let's not take God's kindness for granted. Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance.  Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet. -- I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences?  Are dif

The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone." I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based. Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families. Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.​ Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned. My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths. Here are a few we talked about in this episode: Duty sex is bad (true... and there are things you should do to change that) Women should not feel they have to keep their husbands faithful by offering

(This is a re-release from previously.) I used to be so weirded out by sex because I was pursuing Jesus with everything. How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior? Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you’ll listen to today’s podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage. Love & Blessings, Belah PS – We'd love to help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

"We're just so different." "We have nothing in common." "Our personalities are not compatible."   This is a big problem in marriages.  People notice differences and assume it's a bad thing.  This is understandable...but very wrong.    God, in His amazing creativity, designed your spouse and you differently.  He also made a deer look differently than an alligator. He made a duck's personality differently than an anaconda's.  He made the octopus loners, but curious, and the ant disciplined, but incredibly collaborative. Why do we assume and expect God to make two humans alike?  Especially when the two sexes are SO different in many other ways (hair growth, voice pitch, hip width...to name a few!) You're different from your spouse and it's to be marveled at as God's handiwork (Ephesians 3).  And, HE knit your spouse together (Psalms 139).  You GET to appreciate their uncommon traits. Not scowl and be annoyed at how unusual they are. This is GOD's creativity that YOU get to enjoy if you have the right perspective

"Why can't I be fulfilled by what I SHOULD be able to?" -Higher-drive men, Higher-drive women "Why can't I get aroused by what I SHOULD be able to?"  -Lower-drive women, PI/ED men   I want to invite you to consider what brings you pleasure.  I want you to consider what causes you to ENJOY life.  At Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot of intimacy. (And this episode does too).  God has designed sex to be a way to receive pleasure.  But is it God's only way for you to receive pleasure in this amazing world? Did Jesus receive pleasure in this world? (Even without sex?)    For higher drive husbands/wives (or those in sexless marriages): You are a wo/man who doesn't receive the pleasure from sex that you crave. Jesus was tempted in every way that we are, and yet he never sinned. (HOW???) For lower-drive wives/porn-induced ED/ED men: When you go on a journey of resensitizing your pleasure to everything this amazing world has to offer, you also resensitize yourself to the amazing gift of intimacy your spouse's uniqu

Many of our wife listeners have lower drives than their husbands. (I hear you!) And that’s just the way it is. Nothing to be done, just deal with it.    Also, if they’re like I have been, since she has a lower sex drive she just has to put up with the requirement of her to make love even though she’s less than enthusiastic about it because she has to have sex and can’t do the things she really wants to be doing. Or sometimes avoids it altogether.    I have been there. And so has Sarah.    She and I both have high drive husbands.    And we both know that sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift and a joy for him but we just couldn’t desire it even if we wanted to.     I want to allow you to hear Sarah’s heart because she knew something wasn’t right.    She loved her husband and they waited till marriage to engage sexually together, as is biblical, but her desire just wasn’t there, and it was so disheartening.    But, she rejected the idea that there was nothing she could do about it. Even when sexual assault wa

In approaching the new year, I invite you to rewind your calendar and consider...your marital performance in 2023. What if I asked your spouse what it was like being married to YOU this past year? Yikes! If my spouse chose to be fully open and honest I think I'd have plenty of... ehemmm... "growth-opportunities". :)   Seriously though... feel free to go back through your calendar and check out what your priorities were throughout the year. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. What was it like being married to YOU?   If marriage is your first human assignment, was that reflected in... How you spent your time? How you spoke/listened to them? How you spent your energy?   How you loved them the way he or she receives love?   Assume you're looking at your year through your spouse's eyes. What were your challenges of the year? What were the things you should celebrate?   Now that you have thought through that... We all know marriages are under attack, so what are you doing about it in your own home? You want i

As we are soon gathering together with loved ones to celebrate the Savior's birth, I would love for you to remember what life is all about.  When we meet Jesus face to face, what do we want to be true of us? In today's episode, I walk you through a meditation I did with our men's graduate group a couple of months ago.  It is really meant to give you a chance to consider eternity. What is Christmas really about?  It's about Jesus. And are we living in light of His life, will and ultimate sacrifice.  I invite you to listen in and gain more insight into what you want that day to be. Because we are Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot on that relationship, but I think it is relevant for many relationships. Love,  Belah PS - Maybe you're considering launching into a healing season for your marriage in the New Year -- if so, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - A recent lady graduate:  "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't se

It's hard to discern (or even admit) if we are obsessed.  So here's the definition:  "an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind." Is your marriage an obsession?  Or is God's will an obsession? (And your marriage is an important part of God's will for you.) I encourage you to consider what God's will is for you in this next season. It's all about priorities.  If God is your first priority then everything else falls underneath.  He puts all of our lives into perspective.  Marriage shouldn't put all of our lives in perspective. It must be God first, then we can rightly serve our spouse well. I want to invite you to rightly obsess over God's will and put marriage in its proper place so that it's healed and somewhat on "autopilot" so you can get on with God's will for your life.  Listen in to understand more about what this means for you. (I have an exciting announcement included in our conversation today, I'd love for you to hear it!)  Love,  Belah PS - If you're in a really h

After 33 years of marriage, they were disconnected.  At that point, they were sleeping in separate bedrooms.  Maybe you're at a spot where it's hard to have hope because it has been SO hard for SO long.  Jacques is here to say, even when only you do the work, it can change.  Glory to God.  Blessings, Belah PS - Could your marriage be one of the next ones to transform? Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. You don't have to, but what if you do?   Quote from a client... Before the program: "My biggest struggle coming into MR was openness with my wife about what I was thinking and feeling and fear of asking her about what was going on in her life. I had just come out of therapy for my addiction of lust and porn and trust was a big issue. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me and I didn't know how to do that. I knew our marriage could be so much more but didn't know how to make that happen. It was a constant weight on me that made my everyday life like walking around on eggsh

You may wonder when God is going to show up in your life.   In your situation.    In your marriage.    You may believe in God but don’t feel His love for you, or at least haven’t for a long time.    Maybe you felt His love for you at first, and that is what brought you to give your life to Jesus, but slowly, things have really gotten stale.    Maybe like your marriage.    It was great at first. But slowly other loves entered the picture. Children. Careers. Commitments. Current events. Costs. Culture. Cars. Curtains. (Other things that also start with “C”. :)   Ultimately, our job is to sacrifice for our priorities.    God.  Spouse. Kids. Everything else.   If you’re not sacrificing for each (in that order), then it makes sense that you’re not feeling the love from them.    I encourage you to listen with a curious heart attuned to what the Lord may be drawing you to.   Blessings, Belah   PS - If you’d like our help with your marriage, your first step is a Clarity Call (a free gift from us) delightyourmarriage.