Don't Lose Your Headline

Synopsis

Don't Lose Your Headline is a comedy podcast where your hosts, Phil Austin, Chris Evans and Bret Allen discuss funny, strange and bizarre news stories from the internet and try to work out which ones are real and which ones they've made up. Can you tell when truth is stranger than fiction?

Episodes

  • S06E13 - The End

    S06E13 - The End

    25/08/2017 Duration: 01h28min

    It’s The End! Get your tissues (no doubt you already have some on standby when listening to our voices) and be ready for a tear-jerking walk down memory lane. Look how long it is! Better get comfy, you tarts! The boys have been expecting to be arrested, failing to fight spiders and having poop problems! Then, in the world of news, we have a graphic Angry Birds clone, a police helicopter used for naughty purposes and a group of drag queens you would not mess with. Then, we have a go at making our own news stories and we get quizzed on the events of Headlines past. How much do we recall? Were we sober and awake for those episodes? Hold on to your sides and strap in for a good, long Headlining. And don’t cry too much, because Phil, Bret and Chris will be back!

  • S06E12 -Dick Knock and Bob

    S06E12 -Dick Knock and Bob

    17/08/2017 Duration: 01h03min

    Fear not citizens! This week the three finest heroes in podcast land are here to protect and serve in our super hero special! Hear all about our special powers and learn our secret identities and the adventures we have! Phil’s bell is acting up (don’t worry, it’s an actual bell this time), Chris has a forking weird exchange on his lunch break and Bret meets a child! In the wider world, Chris introduces us to our first super villain, the devious poo bomber, via stories of Bret’s criminal past. Then Phil takes us back in time to the weird news of yesteryear, including a technological advance, a dubious ghost and an epic duel. Finally, Bret brings along a Florida Game featuring everyones favourite superhero, Florida Man! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to be in with a chance of winning the episode prize, and join in with the #limerekt competition to go in for the series prize!

  • S06E11 - Squalene on Me

    S06E11 - Squalene on Me

    03/08/2017 Duration: 01h07s

    Equality is important to us at DLYHL and since we’ve done a penis special, this week we have a vagina special! We all learn a few things about the lady zone today, yet somehow penises and balls get plenty of mentions too. In life, Phil has a problem that you don’t want to hear, Chris is getting messy in the girl’s loos and Bret is best off not dancing. In the wider world, we have vagina facts and headlines- who knew vaginas got so many inches (of column space)? We also hear all about Nasa’s Planetary Protection Officer post, with Chris and Bret competing for the job. Finally, we learn that sometimes scrotums need a little smoothing out! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to maybe win the episode prize. Join in with the #limerekd competition to go in for the series prize!

  • S06E10 - Terrible Anus

    S06E10 - Terrible Anus

    20/07/2017 Duration: 47min

    This episode is very efficient and punctual! Phil is back in charge and showing us how a real host works! We also hear of Bret’s ability to be awkward and offensive, Chris’ enjoyment of birds or lack thereof and Phil’s worrying love of tasty treats. Phil’s exceptional hosting goes on to present three fun games! We have a pair of news stories, for you folks to guess- are they real or fake? The first is a tale of a friendly sausage character who makes life easier (or harder) for kids, the second is the tale of something unpleasant discovered in a strip club (can’t be anything good!). Meanwhile, Phil has a collection of bum trouble headlines! Things going in, things going out, we got it all! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to maybe win the episode prize. Join in with the #limerekt competition to go in for the series prize!

  • S06E09 - Skin Log

    S06E09 - Skin Log

    13/07/2017 Duration: 01h10min

    Welcome to a penisy special this week as Bret examines some phallic facts and news stories! This week, Phil is getting angry at crimes, Chris is not amused by 9/11 and Bret does some blowing for a lady! We have a bunch of crazy news stories for you, including a series of events involving Florida Penis, a woman with a fantastic name getting combative with Johnny Law and a play of 1984 is so intense with the ol’ torture that it actually makes people scream and vomit! Don’t forget to join in with the #headlies and you can win Bret’s compliment voucher, plus thanks to all who join in #limerekt as you guys are coolsome!

  • S06E08 - Summer of Something

    S06E08 - Summer of Something

    06/07/2017 Duration: 01h06min

    Roll up, sports fans! Chris is hosting this week and he’s doing a sports thing! See how well Phil and Bret know the world of outside motion games. Meanwhile, Chris has been to the fish zoo, Bret has been cementing his singleness and Phil has one last two-wheeled mishap! This week we have a ding-dong flasher (no, us neither?!) who’s actually a bit scary. Phil and Chris play a game of You Couldn’t Make It Up, using a rather limited set of words from the wordsmith. You’ll be amazed. Finally, we hear some sports team names that are real head scratchers- but which are real and which are fake? Use your brain guesses! Don’t forget to join in with the #headlies and you can win Chris’s sporting present, plus thanks to all who join in #limerekd and be cool!

  • S06E07 - A Super Sunshine Day

    S06E07 - A Super Sunshine Day

    29/06/2017 Duration: 56min

    Hello dear children, welcome to happy fun times at DLYHL! This episode is child-safe and has hardly any swearing or dead people at all. Bret, Chris and Phil are having a super sunshine day in lollipop forest and beyond! Sit comfortably and listen to story time, as Bret pulls his pole, Phil gets bumped off his bike and Chris crashes part of a car. Don’t worry kids, we’re all fine! But what of news from the outside world? We get educational with a series of headlines about the French, with key words blanked out for your guessing enjoyment. We also have a story about a nuclear power plant offering a somewhat sexist way to get new interns! We hear about a naughty man lying with a lizard or two and we learn about a man who has a police car adventure! Woweee! Remember not to stay up past bedtime while listening, and be good for Uncle Chris and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems.

  • S06E06 - 99 Problems

    S06E06 - 99 Problems

    22/06/2017 Duration: 01h14min

    This week, it’s a sex soundtrack special! You can put the podcast on while you’re getting down and dutty, and we will make you giggle and offer useful hints and encouragement. Phil is having yet more cycling mishaps, Chris doesn’t see an orchestra (whut?) and Bret has a proposition for all our listeners! If you’re single and looking to date, today might be your lucky day! While you’re making the beast with two backs, listen to our fun news stories and games! Police in America struggle to capture a notorious criminal with a surprising nickname, we examine the tale of a couple who had sex in a restaurant (and wouldn’t even pay) and we hear a series of Yahoo questions from people who shouldn’t have keyboards! But which of these are real and which are fake? Take off your pants, switch on your bullshit detector and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems!

  • S06E05 - Not a Doctor

    S06E05 - Not a Doctor

    15/06/2017 Duration: 01h04min

    Chris is hosting this week! And we’ve been very busy- Bret does something desperate and lonely, Phil is being blown all over the shop and Chris has his eyes brought into question! All sorts of stories this week. Did the Jumbo Shrimp really give away pregnancy tests? Yes, that sentence makes no sense. We have a Florida Game exploring some thrilling police chases (some just plain impressive) and last but not least, the love manual written by an ex-scientologist which can help you excel in the bedroom, using just an egg! Don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems! We love you.

  • S06E04 – The Election Special

    S06E04 – The Election Special

    08/06/2017 Duration: 01h07min

    Democracy never felt so good, as this week Bret and Chris go head-to-head in a debate and Phil pretends he’s some kind of news election man. Don’t forget to vote for reals, though! It’s super important! In the meantime, listen to our tales of strange news from around the world. We have the tale of some randy Swedes who had an electrifying time, we have a list of lesser-known electoral candidates with some very unusual policies, plus there’s the tale of an erroneous sandwich! Don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems. And vote, damn it!

  • S06E03 - The Magic Ingredient

    S06E03 - The Magic Ingredient

    01/06/2017 Duration: 01h09min

    Spread your soundginas, it’s time for DLYHL! This week, Phil is a right old pedal-phile, Chris is getting Hipsterer than ever and Bret makes a black friend? We have a lovely mixture of suspicious news stories and articles for you, folks. A woman cooks for her husband using a rather special ingredient, that he’s (until now) unaware of. A guest from beyond the veil takes us to the land of the rising sun, to examine strange Japanese toilets. Last of all, we have a series of mystery headlines about drug-related hijinx! The things people will do to avoid getting charged… But which are real and which are fake? Listen, play along, have a laugh and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies to win a Haiku from Bret and #limerekd poems to battle for the season listener crown!

  • S06E02 - Three Musketeers

    S06E02 - Three Musketeers

    25/05/2017 Duration: 01h01min

    We haven’t covered the events in Manchester, because it’s not funny. We extend our deepest condolences to those affected and great admiration to those who helped. The show must go on, so instead we focused our efforts, as ever, on the sillier side of the news- if you want a break from the heavy stuff, press play! Par example: Phil has a series of headlines relating to drunks and drinking (he loves a glug), Indian women are putting something in their vaginas (and it ain’t Indian men) and a prank in a Poundland gets way out of hand (sorry, this one is a bit harrowing, on reflection). But which of those stories are fake news? One of our Personal Headlines is fake- tweet or comment #headlies and you could win Chris’ special prize. Also, finish our #limerocks naughty rhyme as there’s a series prize to win!

  • S06E01 - Holy Crap

    S06E01 - Holy Crap

    18/05/2017 Duration: 01h12s

    Let’s talk about six baby! Series six, that is, of Don’t Lose Your Headline- the comedy news podcast that puts the old phrase ‘truth is stranger than fiction’ to the test. Can you spot fake news? This week, faithful of the DLYHL cul- er- fraternity, we have tales from the world of sinners! A robot cop gets assaulted by a human miscreant, a cat up a tree is prepping for battle and all sorts of sixy things are happening in the Florida Game! Did a guy get 6 pool balls lodged in his bottom pocket? We have two new interactive bits for you, worshippers! One of our personal headlines is fake- tweet us with the #headlie to guess and maybe win a prize! Also join in the #limerock by finishing the limerick and there’s a better, season-end prize to win! JOIN US.

  • S05E16 – The Forfeit

    S05E16 – The Forfeit

    27/04/2017 Duration: 48min

    Here comes the final final episode! Series 5 is over, but it’s time to reveal the forfeit for the loser, who we announced last week. What awaits them? Humiliation? Monetary ruin? We also have a little play with some quick stories and games, while Phil dies of illness despite drinking more water. Bret ran over a goose and Chris met a French-speaking guy from a) the future or b) an asylum. Have a little listen, find out what’s in store for Loser McLoserface and laugh with us! See you in May for Series 6. Keep an eye on our social accounts to see the forfeit results in the coming weeks!

  • S05E15 - Chicken en Cum

    S05E15 - Chicken en Cum

    20/04/2017 Duration: 01h09min

    Just one Cornettooooooo… oh, hello there! Looks like it’s time for the final episode of season 5, in which our brave heroes (played by Phil Austin, Chris Evans and Bret Allen) find out who faces the forfeit. Chris or not Chris? BTW, there’s a slight quality wibble mid-episode, due to new recording software. Technology? More like ‘Tsch, No-Likey!’ …So yeah, be a little ear-merciful, please. Meanwhile, work out which of these news stories are real and fake! There’s a cooking book with a very special ingredient, a Comcast engineer leaves a little surprise for someone’s 10 year old kid and a wedding is a tad disturbed by a boozy, violent maid of dishonour! And is that 2pec the rapper up to no good? (No, us neither). Enjoy and tune in next week for a light episode that reveals what the forfeit will be!

  • S05E14 – Let Me See That Thong (with special guest: Pete D. Gaskell)

    S05E14 – Let Me See That Thong (with special guest: Pete D. Gaskell)

    13/04/2017 Duration: 01h13min

    Open your head, it’s a new DLYHL! This week, we have Pete D. Gaskell of the Smorgasbored podcast, so please check his show out at https://www.acast.com/smorgasboredpod as he’s brought us a lot of punning and wit. Bret has birthday news, Chris has seen more signs and Phil found a time capsule in a drawer! Pete ponders the legality of guide dogs! We hear the tale of a grammar vigilante, sorting out the error’s we hate to see in the street! Pete brings us a story about an unfortunate poopy incident for a UFC fighter (seriously, this is awesome) and we learn of a special post-birth treat for mums! Last but not least, we play a little game of Blankheads to see if the guys can fill in some anal answers. Oh yeah, and Bret didn’t mean to suggest that a famous pop group were involved in a weird orgy. It was just their groovy beats.

  • S05E13 - Gay Propaganda

    S05E13 - Gay Propaganda

    06/04/2017 Duration: 01h05s

    Engage sound catchers! A new DLYHL has landed, full of bizarre news and weird stories. But first, a quick disclaimer. This episode includes a story which is actually really unpleasant, so consider yourself warned re: triggers, if abuse upsets you. No, we don’t find it funny either, but we do laugh our heads off at how impossible it is to not laugh when you’re not supposed to. Ever wanted to giggle at a funeral? Then you’re good to go! Oh yeah, there’s also the tale of a drunk man who demolishes roadworks, but makes up for it in style! We try to work out what’s better, a robot wife or a flesh wife? And last but not least, we hear the story of a song banned in Russia, for being a bit too… Eurovision.

  • S05E12 - Call My Spaff (with special guest: Tom King)

    S05E12 - Call My Spaff (with special guest: Tom King)

    30/03/2017 Duration: 01h06min

    Looks like a pod just got cast! We have a guest in the form of Tom King of That King Thing! Good job too, because Chris was kicked out. Phil is ‘absolutely fine’ after his fishy quest, plus he’s been playing with Bret’s hard tool. Bret has befriended Ronaq Ronaq and Tom has been scared shitless by a bag! We hear the story of a Korean woman with something magical in her purse, a man in China has something slippery up his bum (yep) and we hear about a guy who thinks eating in traffic is smert. Finally, we play Whose Headline Is It Anyway and it all goes a bit weird and wrong. Have fun, please send in your stories and jokes!

  • S05E11 - Russian Raccoon Rental

    S05E11 - Russian Raccoon Rental

    23/03/2017 Duration: 55min

    Hello, fellow ear owners. There’s no Phil this week! Dennis will be most pleased! He’s away on a vision quest, seeking the Salmon of Doubt, so Chris and Bret are taking up the reins in his stead. This week, one of them has been called a Viking and another has proven that he’s smarter than Phil, but which is which? We have multiple bizarre news stories for you! A woman fends off a sword-wielding robber, a man goes up, up and away in his beautiful balloon chair and a raccoon is disturbed after a brush with boobs. A man may or may not be the nuisance of Bridgwater and finally, a Bolivian fella tries to scam people with a Jesus fish. Do you ‘bolieve’ it? Enjoy, digest, get in touch!

  • S05E10 - Jellyfish Boy

    S05E10 - Jellyfish Boy

    16/03/2017 Duration: 51min

    Hello listener types! This week, Bret has some Resident Evil 7 spoilers for you, Phil is amazed by chicken within sausage and Chris tries to be more fish! Yes, we lead full lives. Funny news stories, you ask? A guy jumps out of a window after getting dumped (funnier than it sounds and you’ll never see Spiderman the same way again), we play a brand-new game called ‘You Can’t Say Shit With a Brick in Your Mouth’ and we hear about a video game themed brothel in Luxembourg! Are you a Tifa Lockheart guy or perhaps a sucker for Solid Snake?

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