Delight Your Marriage

Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?  By your spouse. By those you love. By God.   I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience. Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.   In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way. And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)   Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.   But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.  If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.    Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He al

Hi there, Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end... This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!) Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps? ​ Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :) Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy. So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you. To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man? His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible. Ju

Like the title? LOL. I know, I know... I'm too much.  But it was intriguing right? If not... pretend it was something more mature like: "How to Be the Man Your Wife Is Attracted To, Hint: Fatherhood Matters."  That's what today's podcast is about. Here's a story that's not in the episode...   Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.  He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it!   Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells.   Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...  But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time! 

You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do. A set group of people He wants you to impact. Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.  He even had limits on himself.  Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9   But  if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward. This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.    I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me. Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me". And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.  I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now. I share h

This is probably THE question I hear in one way or another over and over again. Lights off, sheets up and "vanilla" sex is the refrain that is very frequent.  Why is she like this? How can this change? What about specific things she's squeamish about like "intimate photos of us", anal sex, and mirrors? If you'd like more insight on anal sex: delightyourmarriage.com/sod All that is covered in our conversation! Especially for men, but helpful for women!  --- In the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again! You'll learn how to strategically transform your marriage so she WANTS to enjoy sex with many new positions, visuals and variety... ...a 92% success rate! We are launching very soon (and won't be opening up the doors til next year!) so go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining to get all the details!

To my beloved listener, I want to encourage your heart in trying to understand what’s happening and why. I know you’re doing hard work to figure out what your role is and should be in all of this. And I commend that so much.

Playfulness doesn't seem important now that life is so busy and stressful, but it's actually central to a good marriage and a PASSIONATE marriage.   When you think about what your relationship was at first, it probably was full of laughter. Right? The value of playfulness- Laughter makes you smarter Makes you more creative Improves your immune systems The JOY of the Lord is our strength Rejoice... is a constant refrain in the Bible even in the WORST circumstances, we are invited to rejoice in the Lord.   There is power in joy.   Sex can be awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing just to name a few.   And if there's a playful culture in your marriage, it causes laughter. If there's not, it causes distance because you both are trying to look better than you feel.   For both parties, they're insecure around sex, so if your marriage is more playful...   You're not trying to be perfect in front of the other. You're not trying to compete with the other. You're not trying to change the other. You're staying present

As a husband, maybe you're wondering where the passionate nights went from your first months or years.  Your wife may be wondering where the romantic DAYS went. But, maybe you're stuck at home and it feels like you're not able to do any kind of romance given the circumstances.  I hear you... I will add that I live in NYC, in a 1 bedroom apartment with two sons (age 5 & 6) during quarantine. Which means we've probably left our physical apartment 5 times in the last 7 weeks...  ...and I'm here to tell you, you can DEFINITELY have a Wild Romance even during this season. (You'll understand more on this show).  I want to gift (for FREE) two valuable resources from a $297 course that I have only offered to my current students... Because it's almost Mother's Day & I think you need to understand the template on How To Be Romantic while at home... And this will help you forever understand what your wife wants when she says she wants to be "wooed".   There's a catch.   I give you a behind-the-scenes-look at how

So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.   It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.   I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.   We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.   But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?   Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.   And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.   Do you feel worthy? Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy? How can you help your spouse not be so insecure... -around sex, -around professional things, -around the ways that they are in the world?   Hint: it’s different for men and women. (To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )   So, on today’s show I want to tell you abo

Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included.  Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance. During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain... so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...   God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.   Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture... Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him". That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible. If I'm really honest my response is "but I'm too important to wait" or "there's too much to do to wait" or "waiting is not going to help anything" Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.   Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk ab

I'm very excited to share this interview with Dr. Kahn a renowned cardiologist (seen on Dr. Phil and The Doctors tv series among other great accolaides). This is my second time having him on the podcast and you're in for a treat! What you put in your mouth affects your intimacy. (And I mean outside of the bedroom! :) From libido to sexual response, our diet helps or hurts. We also talk about COVID health and how the studies are showing there are specific things you can do to help your immune system (and of course be very focused on prevention). On our last podcast I shared what I'm doing health-wise and how I think those things helped my health when fighting COVID -- some of those things Dr. Kahn encouraged (and some of them he DIScouraged!) I encourage you to listen in to discover what may be most helpful for your intimate-life and your overall health.  You can find more about Dr. Kahn's work at drjoelkahn.com Check out some of his books: Vegan Sex, The Plant-Based Solution, and his newest one Lipoprotein(a)

Hi there,  Happy Good Friday. It feels a bit strange going to service online, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is we get to meet Him anywhere because of what He did for us on this day so long ago. I am curious how you're doing? I've been praying for you and hope you're doing ok.  We haven't chatted for a while because I've been a bit behind. My husband and I got COVID. The real one.  You probably have heard of plenty of really sad stories. I wanted to share ours to hopefully encourage you and add one story to the "FAITH pile" in your heart. How do we know we got it? Well after a grocery store cashier sneezed on my husband a few days later we got flu-like symptoms and then we both lost our taste and smell!  ​​(JFYI it's SO weird to not be able to taste or smell anything). For me, I had super mild symptoms (thanking God!) and my husband has fairly mild symptoms though he's yet to be 100%. When she found out me, my husband or my 2 sons (ages 5 and 6) hadn't crossed the threshold of our cozy NYC apartm

Corona virus, COVID-19, has impacted you.  For so many the fear is tangible.  I know it's impacting your marriage. Sadly the divorce rates in China have skyrocketed as a result of the quarantine.  I don't want that to continue or become worse. I want to help you. In your marriage, in this time, is it possible to be a soft landing DURING this crisis?   How can you get better? How can you and your spouse grow into the people God wants you to become DURING this crisis.  Many of us have a lot more time on our hands. (If you're in the medical field, please know we're praying for you).   How are we using that time?    I want to invite you to a FREE online workshop: SOFT LANDING Webinar: Be encouraged & be loved by your spouse DURING crisis On that webinar I'll be launching a brand new group: Delight Groups to help you stay encouraged DURING the crisis.  You don't have to do this alone. If you want to sign up for the THRIVE webinar or learn more about the groups, sign up here. 

Fear activates. Over the Christmas break my son had a very serious health crisis. And we cried out to God. And God moved. My faith was increased and everyone who has heard the story was impacted to trust God more.    Have you ever heard, "There are no atheists in foxholes"? People want hope to grab onto. And when reason fails to give that hope, the power of God can come in to help people experience His love.   This is an opportunity to be an example to all who you know.    Don't be the victim who numbs your fear, but the leader who stands in faith.   Believe me I've been the former, but I am want us to stand up and encourage and pray and love those who are in fear right now.    As Jesus-followers, we are lucky to know that this earth is not the end. But how do we encourage and pray for our neighbors? How can you start now? You may have a lot more time on your hands. How can you start to encourage and help others even RIGHT NOW?   Encourage your spouse. Love them generously so they can do their best in the wor

So, I messed up. I'm throwing myself under the bus here. I'm having trouble having grace with myself. I share what happened here. Maybe you can totally relate to my situation, or maybe you can't. Hopefully you'll at least be amused by my humbling... We all have thorns in our flesh to keep us humble so hopefully this will be encouraging to you... to see me hum-iliated :) Also... I want to help you be motivated toward intimacy. Whether you're a wife who needs motivation to love your spouse with sexual intimacy or you're a husband who needs motivation to care about your wife's emotional desires... or anywhere in between. This is how to be motivated to intimacy: emotional, physical and spiritual in your marriage! Enjoy! A couple of FREE resources I mentioned (after you're motivated of course) is learn to seduce! The 5 Amazing Seduction Tips delightyourmarriage.com/tips Also, for men to understand their wife and how to remove the blocks that are keeping her from intimacy: delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks The 7 Bloc

So, I hear you. And I validate your desire. I wish wives would understand the importance and privilege she has to love him the WAY HE RECEIVES love. With that in mind, I want to encourage you, dear husband. Jesus KNOWS about your high sex drive. In fact, God is responsible for it. It's very clear in the Bible that He knows and designed you with it. So, when I am encouraging you in how to view your wife, it's actually the most PRODUCTIVE thing you can do to bring you both at a better place in intimacy.  It's not the last step, but it's the FIRST and has be there BEFORE anything else. If you want to understand the next 12 steps (literally), you can sign up for a FREE Clarity Call (worth $500!) where you and I will talk about what your SPECIFIC situation is. You'll get clarity and great value and as I'm listening and discerning whether or not you'd be the right fit for me to expect amazing transformation in your marriage: -like a husband who was celibate for several years because his wife shut him out now they'r

You may have an inkling, but I bet you'll be surprised by my guest Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) and the interesting topics we dig into to help others understand in what ways the Song of Solomon was speaking about intimacy between husband and wife. (Hint hint, they're not talking about the farmer's market). :) -- delightyourmarriage.com/present - for wives the 8 secrets to stay present in intimacy delightyourmarriage.com/7blocks - for husbands to understand the 7 reasons she is blocked from having a higher drive

Why did she heal?  What motivated a woman who was a size 0, undernourished, had been abused horribly to decide it was worth the challenge to heal? How did she heal and now have a thriving intimate life with her husband? Catherine gives us insight, hope and practical tools for you. You too can be healed, by God's grace. Whether you were abused or your spouse, this will be helpful to understand the process and know that complete healing and restoration is possible for you!   Catherine is incredibly inspiring and has used her story to bring light and safety to so many through her organization Stop Trafficking Us (stoptraffickingus.org) which helps people out of being trafficked.    If this resonates with you and you'd like some additional tips on how to stay present during intimacy, I'd love to also give you a free resource: "8 Secrets to Stay Present during Intimacy". You can get it here: delightyourmarriage.com/present 

Today's interview is a story of resilience and hope.  Catherine goes into her story lightly because her full story is extremely difficult to take in.  HOWEVER, there is hope. Catherine is a living example that God can heal you.  1 in 4 women AND 1 in 6 men have suffered some form of sexual trauma. So, the healing needs to happen for SO many of us.  What can you do as a wife or husband to heal?  What can you do to help your spouse heal? What are the underlying causes for pain for the person who is trying to help their spouse heal? There's a lot of great insights even for practical and fun ways to heal... yeah it doesn't have to be another exercise in pain to heal. God can help even when the mood is light! To find out more about Catherine Wilson's work, visit: https://www.stoptraffickingus.org/    If thoughts are inhibiting you in the bedroom and you're a wife, I'd like to get my 8 Secrets to Staying Present in Intimacy for FREE, you can go to this link!   Part 2 is coming out next week, I hope you'll come back

So this is one of those topics that even when we're talking about intimacy we don't talk about.  But because I have the honor of speaking to women and men about some of the stuff they have never told ANYBODY, this comes up.  I want to share this episode because I want to help you. I don't want you to feel alone and icky and like you're sinning. Maybe you're not OR what are the specific Biblical boundaries? Maybe there are small tweaks you can make to your thought-life that will align them with God's will. Maybe there are wees growing in the garden of your mind and they need to be pulled up and we'll talk about that.  But you may be surprised by some of my thoughts even around homosexuality. It starts in the mind and what we focus on grows. Just because someone has same-sex attraction doesn't make them gay. I want to clear about that because that's an insecurity a lot of people have.  I believe we all have proclivities, it's what we do with those proclivities that matter. Some of us are more violent, some of u