Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals And Everyday Hurts

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“If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won’t You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer.” —Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong

“Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see ‘the apology’ in quite the same way.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.

Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.

Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.


  • WhyWontYouApologize 01 Open

    Duration: 37s
  • WhyWontYouApologize 02 Chapter1

    Duration: 17min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 03 Chapter2

    Duration: 17min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 04 Chapter3

    Duration: 14min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 05 Chapter4

    Duration: 25min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 06 Chapter5

    Duration: 27min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 07 Chapter6

    Duration: 31min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 08 Chapter7

    Duration: 23min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 09 Chapter8

    Duration: 27min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 10 Chapter9

    Duration: 14min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 11 Chapter10

    Duration: 31min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 12 Chapter11

    Duration: 28min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 13 Chapter12

    Duration: 16min
  • WhyWontYouApologize 14 Credits

    Duration: 55s