Random Thoughts With Nicole L. Turner

A lot of people are vague about what they want – want out of life, their career, in their relationship with others, or for the future. Being vague means lacking clarity. The first step to getting what you want out of life is to decide exactly what you want. Where do you want to be in the future? What do you want to experience? Who do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? What makes you happy? If you are vague about what you want, you will find yourself with a lot of things you don’t want. Sometimes clarity comes to us when we stop thinking. There’s a quote by Albert Einstein that I love. It says, I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me. –– Albert Einstein

Ways to know they are an asset: You Are All Around Better Off Now Than You Were Before You Met. Have you learned a lot as a result of the relationship? You are better off financially You’re healthier Your energy is more positive They respect your boundaries They pour into you – they don’t just take, they also give How do you know if a relationship is a liability? They are energy vampires – when you are in their presence, they suck the positive/good energy out of the environment There’s always drama with them – always drama in their life or they are always causing drama. Everything is always about them. They consume the conversations with their life. When you’re hanging out, it’s all about what they want, where they want to go, what they want to eat, what attention they are getting They are slick with the tongue – they put you down or insult you or throw shade but pass it off as just joking. They compete with you – yes, this also happens in romantic relationships They secretly copy you They on the low, hate on

Ten signs you have an unhealthy relationship with money: You have a scarcity mindset – you constantly worry that there is never enough. Spending money pains you or makes you feel guilty. You spend money carelessly. You partake in frivolous spending. You have a lot of debt…credit card debt. You have money wounds – meaning that your issues with money started with your past – either in your childhood, early adulthood, or a traumatic event you experienced. Your aspirations – Your early experiences with money can also affect what you believe you’re capable of. Since you were denied your dreams as a child, you feel like your dreams are not something you can fulfill You have fears as it relates to money - fears of not having enough.  You feel like you have to spend money to enjoy yourself. You constantly overspend and make excuses for your bad money habits. You refuse to talk about money or when you do, you talk negatively about it.  Tips to improve your relationship with money. Don’t let money control you.  Debt is

Are you your own worst enemy? Ways to identify if you are YOUR saboteur: Repeat the same negative cycles over & over You fail to appreciate the small things You are your own worst critic You over-analyze You doubt yourself You have outdated beliefs You have unclear boundaries You make excuses You constantly relieve past mistakes or painful memories You have the wrong tribe You place unrealistic demands on yourself

Find your joy and happiness will follow Tips to bring more joy into your life:   Stop seeking perfection – stop trying to achieve it and stop expecting it from others. Be vulnerable – vulnerability increases your self-worth, it helps you build intimacy in your relationship & if you recall in last week’s podcast, I said real intimacy is not about the physical – In to me see – it’s allowing a person to see you and you seeing that other person – not just seeing with your eyes, but with your heart, with your soul. Stop comparing your life to others Stop waiting for something big to happen – appreciate the small moments and you will find that as each small moment is stacked on top of the other, you see this tall statue – hundreds of small moments have had a BIG positive impact and you would’ve missed them looking for something big. Write a thank you not to yourself. You say thank you to other people, but how many times do you say thank you to yourself? Hit the pause button – allow your mind to become quiet. Pr

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The only thing worse than loving someone who doesn't love you is loving someone who loves you, but doesn't know how to show you love.  You stay and wait because you see potential, you see what’s inside, you see what could be once you shatter all the walls so they can let you in. But they won’t let you in because they don’t have room for you, they won’t let you in because that means they have to share the deepest parts of themselves and that’s not something they know how to do. When you love someone who doesn’t know how to love, you eventually forget what love is or how it feels, you begin to love poorly, selfishly, you become stingy with your heart.  When you fall for someone who doesn’t know how to love, you forget that someone out there knows how, you forget that you could find someone who reinforces everything you believe about love instead of challenging it and you forget that someone out there wants to love you — not break you. Signs of a healthy relationship.  You admire your partner for who he or she i

Is it your intuition or your fears/anxiety? Anxiety Doesn't Let Up Anxiety Causes You To Worry About The Future Anxiety Causes Feelings Of Uncertainty Anxiety Interferes With Everyday Life" Intuition Can Be Tested & Verified Intuition Helps Center You Anxiety Is A Reaction To A Perceived Threat Intuition Is Accompanied By Feeling Relaxed Intuition Is About Focusing On The Present, Anxiety Is About Focusing On The Future Anxiety Is More Demanding Than Intuition

How do you stop your mind from being like Velcro and shift to being more like Teflon?   It starts with you first understanding your thinking style. Are you a Black and white thinking means seeing everything in extremes? Do you do mental filtering - only see the negative parts of situations. Do you overgeneralize – meaning do you believe that the results of one situation predict the results of all future situations? Do you jump to conclusions - believe that you know what others are thinking? Do you do emotional reasoning - believe that if you feel something it must be true. You might believe that because you feel anxious, there is something in a situation to be feared. Do you turn small problems into big ones or blow things out of proportion. Write down why the negative thought is present. Writing versus thinking helps purge the thought out, and when you cansee the words on paper or a screen it is easier to make sense of it and move forward. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness creates a distance between yourself

Ask yourself, AM I EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE? Here are some ways to tell:   You want to breakup whenever you hit a rough patch You don't want to talk about the future You don't involve your partner in your life.  You have self-centered behavior.  You avoid displays of affection.  The closer someone tries to get to you, the more you feel distant.  When your partner is direct about their feelings for you, it makes you feel unsure about everything You don't trust others because you don't trust yourself.  You're always trying to outsmart your own heart.  You look outside to others to show you love, but you don’t put much effort into showing love to others.  You're stuck on past relationships. You aren't willing to show your real self Tips to help you become more emotionally available Go back to the beginning. Where did your emotional unavailability start?  Identify which emotions you try to avoid or shut out.  Work on your patterns. Write down a list of the positive and negative traits of past partners and your own

Tips on breaking generational cycles/dysfunction/toxicities Become aware of your family’s destructive patterns or behaviors. This is the first step in moving toward healthy behaviors.  Take ownership of your own actions, attitudes, beliefs, and emotions.  Evaluate your present relationships. Are they healthy?  Practice. Awareness and understanding are your starting place. Now it’s time to put things into practice. Be patient with yourself and others. It's going to take time to adopt new behaviors and patterns.  

Tips to help you on your “journey” to become who you are: Work on your negative traits. Identify your ideal self.  Commit yourself to growth (Be Growth-oriented).  Be Adaptable/Flexible/Versatile.  Be Confident. Be Emotionally Generous.  Be Empathetic.  Be Optimistic/Positive. Have Faith.  Be Grateful.  Be Patient.  Be Self-Loving. Be Self-Reflective.  Be Forgiving.    The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be