I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki

"Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'") When he’s not grabbing butts And mute, judging stuff He be griftin’ Morning, noon, insurrection He be griftin’   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next He be griftin’   He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’ How much money are you willing to give him? Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill? Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese? He’s ‘bout to sell you this “Trade your cows for a gallon of milk” He’s ‘bout to sell you this “Give me 15 million and I’ll stop windmill cancer” He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancer He started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool’s, y’all” He’s griftin’, yeah, he always does, he be griftin’   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next He be griftin’   He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’ Would you believe anything he tells ya? That a knife was a sandwi

In this episode I snarkily dissect my joyous experience interacting with Trumpers since joining Twitter Blue in recent weeks.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

So you didn't have to, I read the 44-page Trump indictment. Here is my modest, hilarious, brilliant take on it all. Hey, as I've always said, "You can't spell 'awesome' nor 'modest' without 'ME.'"   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Right the Right” Been off course for a while Siri’s a woman So, they go in the opposite direction They don’t know where they are Or where they’re heading But would rather wreck than admit they were wrong   Let’s control the wheel and right the right They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive Let’s control the wheel and right the right They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight   Approaching a red sign Instead of stopping They shout “OCTAGON!” Sirens flashing Figure they’re for someone else, so they speed up Start firing guns, yelling “BLUE LIVES MATTER!”   Let’s control the wheel and right the right They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive Let’s control the wheel and right the right They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight   They’ve been off course too long Tank’s about empty Yet still believing thoughts and prayers will refill it So, they then close their eyes while behind the wheel ‘Cause apparently cars don’t drive cars; Jesus does   Let’s control the wheel and right the right They need our help;

“Orwellian Poetry” (A. “Woke Insomnia” / B. “Project Real”) [Part 1: Orwellian Poetry] It was the con of the century It read like Orwellian poetry Too blinded by their own hypocrisy To see the dystopian irony Their delusions quickly became quite clear The con “will set us free”   [Part 2: Woke Insomnia] Insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia   They’re wide awake and unable to sleep   For days on end, they can no longer think Dwindled is perception of reality Woke, but not alert to their surroundings “Truth isn’t truth,” “Don’t believe what you see” “You’ll grow a third arm with the vaccines” “The lone cure for COVID is Febreze” This is what happens when Trump leads the GOP; they come down with   Insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia   ‘Nother day, ‘nother denial of truth Masked with the flag and other comfort food Empty-rhetoric symbols, no follow-through A lack of sleep, mentally weak “Doctors don’t know science” “It’s not guns; drag-shows cause gun violence” “Democracy will be saved

“Slim-to-None Funds” Do you know who they’re stealing from? Charities named after them The dollars keep rolling in Diverted to greens and bogey-men Claiming donations as grifts They’ve sunk lower than piles of sh*t The depths of Satan’s fiery pit? Lower than it   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world’s biggest grassholes Pulling for hell   Driving around in their gold carts Crashing before they even start As they blame Soros and RuPaul News breaks of their organization’s scam They don’t know irons from woods Yet stole from the kids for these goods Than the South Pole is cold, they’re Lower than it   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world’s biggest grassholes Pulling for hell   They’re always slicing to the right Their white balls they can never find “Mark us down for two,” they will say Flipping birdies to youngsters on the front and back nine   Further than you could ever a

“Erratic Days” Playing Candy Crush at a quarter to two on Monday afternoon Before throwing Skittles about the room, shouting, “Where in the f*ck’s the blue?” Next saying, “I guess orange will do, and this purple sh*t too” All while watching cartoons he calls “news”   Unpredictability on speed Yes, no, yes, maybe   He’s up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He’ll sniff uncontrollably at a nationally-televised speech And then be unable to blow his nose for a couple to three weeks He’ll run a MAGAt marathon in his sleep And strain muscles when he breathes He only ever works in his dreams   He’s a loose cannon awake or asleep Yes, no, yes, maybe   He’s up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He’s up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He’s had some erratic days January through December For as long as The Jesus ca

“You’re Accused and Betrayed” Insurrection!   He will bail you all out At least that’s what he says He has told thirty-thousand lies So, his promises aren’t worth a sh*t Y’all get flocked up; baa; and spout QAnon gibberish Attack police, what’s free Because you’re patriotic   So, Donnie eats his Whoppers As you’re handcuffed and put away Guess it really sucks to be you You’re accused and betrayed   He will watch as you go down Viking helmets and all His show isn’t going well Prepped for you to take the fall You are the clowns Go ahead, grab the flagpoles Hit democracy’s mouth In their graves, our Founders turn Witnessing nooses form Pence hangs around   So, Donnie eats his Whoppers As you’re handcuffed and put away Guess it really sucks to be you You’re accused and betrayed   Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation   Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces bigly…   He will bail you all out

“Senseless Mind Syndrome” His IQ is in the high teens What’s left in his head constantly shrinking A confined vocabulary Just two-letter words, maybe three   He’s ignorant of everything From physics to human anatomy Thinks Einstein was just bread with cheese That femurs were types of monkeys   It’s outdated, dissipated His brain had its day, so he says again, again   He’s concocted another word He may not drink, but it sounds like a slur It’s not a noun and not a verb What it is no one can be sure   He acts like an illiterate If one gets poetic, “He can’t read for sh*t” “Bigly” words are his nemesis Like “ambiguity” or “twit”   When thoughts escape him, they avail him More room between the ears for hot-air to travel through   Thoughts are vacant, he is ancient He is his own worst enemy Not a victim, but a villain An enemy to you and me To everybody   It’s outdated, dissipated He is his own worst enemy When thoughts escape him, they avail him An enemy to you and me He’s a villain of cognition An enemy to you a

“¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)” Brittle Don, brittle Don, you’re always cryin’ You lost another suit – this one for lyin’ Brittle con, brittle con, the truth is hurtin’ The odds of you outside a cell and workin’   Far away is where we think you should go Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus Stay in space until you float to Pluto We’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud   Brittle Don, brittle Don, your bones are crackin’ And, as always, your muscles are a-lackin’ Brittle con, brittle con, your schemes are slackin’ You just don’t seem to have any laws’ backin’ Can’t skirt them (Anymore!) Anymore, you lame layperson Think this is bad? Just wait till you’re in prison Brittle Don, brittle Don, you’re weak as plastic In Webster’s your picture is next to “flaccid”   Far away is where we think you should go Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus Stay in space until you float to Pluto We’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud   Tears of your hammies when you walk to the fridge With i

“Daughter’s Sexy” Incestuous and grossness He can’t stop saying, “Look, my daughter’s sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter’s sexy”   He’ll make the comment on a talk show “I’d hit that if she weren’t my daughter” Everyone and their moms start to cringe Then whisper, “What the f*ck is wrong with him?!?” He’s the leader of the Greedy Old Perverts   Incestuous and grossness He can’t stop saying, “Look, my daughter’s sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter’s sexy”   It’s one thing to say your kid’s cute Calling them “hot” is kinda stretching it Like a Donald J. Trump in spandex Yet little Donnie has no regrets He’s the leader of the Greedy Old Perverts   Incestuous and grossness He can’t stop saying, “Look, my daughter’s sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter’s sexy”   Incestuous and grossness He can’t stop saying, “Look, my daughter’s sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my…”   Books https://www.amazon.com/

“Harassing All Women and Girls” She’d rather suffer a migraine, gout, and kidney stones than shake his hand She’d rather get a full-face tattoo of a$$ than smell his stench She’d rather recreate “Titanic” sinking than hear him scream her name They want nothing to do with him; he’s harassing all women and girls   She’d rather skydive without a parachute than feel his lips on hers She’d rather always hallucinate than see his tiny mushroom She’d rather be waterboarded than hear the torture of his words She’d rather serve a life-sentence than spend just one second with him   He’s a third-world, sh*t-hole country, only in semi-human form They want nothing to do with him; he’s harassing all women and girls   She’d rather die a virgin than be within six-feet of his “wherever” She’d rather have hair like Fester than feel what’s on his head She’d rather spin in F-5 tornadoes than for him to twirl her She’d rather forever sleep than find him in her bed   He’s a sh*t-hole country, only in semi-human form They want nothi

“Pisstaker” Not one, but six!   So, my name is Donnie; I’ve got no money; owned by the Russian mob Together do some “laundry,” or they’ll clean me out (Oh, no-no) So, I call my Vlady; I’m on hold, hold, hold, hold, hold After five hours, he says, “Why don’t you just leave us alone?” So, I wear a bracelet, as a reminder; asks “What Would Vlady Do?” If my Cabinet protests it, I say “You are screwed!” (Oh, yeah-yeah) So, I call a guy, who says, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait” “I know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight”   Showers, the golden showers There are powers with the tapes Pee on my a$$ and face So, whatever Vlady says, I trust and obey   So, his name is Donnie; he’s lost some money; is owned by the mob He’s on a choke-collar, so they don’t bark (Ruff, ruff, ruff) So, he’s always their b*tch, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf If they say to, he’ll lick his balls if one is left So, he has no control, but wants to act like he’s really strong Even though his muscles look like nothing more than fluff (fl

“He’s Jesus Nowhere” Lesu anchiteze Ese es quien es “Trump Jesus was arrested by the Roman government” (…yllaer ton tuB) …eH ma I dnA   They chant his name when he arrives Give him all the money they don’t have Thinking that will help them to survive Though he doesn’t care that they’re alive (Pay up!) For all his suits (Pray now!) That he hears you (Pay up!) So he can win (Pray now!) The world will end   The guy thinks all the poor are weak That they all smell like fruit and veggies Loves no one but his stinky self He even hates children and elves   The church goes in flames When he decides to step in it The Bible doesn’t say Lard Cheeto F*ckstick is the savior   He says what the deaf want to hear “Race don’t exist; whites are superior” He’ll brag he’s a self-made man, raking in billions by himself Gone bankrupt six times; asked for daddy’s help   He breaks every Commandment daily He’d f*ck his own family Would steal from a children’s charity He’d even say “Jesus Christ is me!”   The church goes in flames Whe

“Stormy At Birth” Melanie’s at home with their son So, where’s he gone? Getting milk, food at the store? No, he met a porn star instead In a bed Husband, father of the year   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Saying “Sign this and tell no one”   Life changed after his baby’s birth Storm alert One-thirty K to shut her up This could hurt his chances of…with Who’s the b*tch? Melanie or Melanoma?   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Saying “Sign this and tell no one”   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Oh, God, yes, he is so screwed   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   You

“Donnie’s a Zero” He thinks he is seeing green, but is in the red Dealt a winning hand, but still having to fold, as he turned casinos into sh*t Vodka and steaks rarely miss, yet he couldn’t make a dime The world’s greatest businessman, only if all others died   Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero   Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   A big rat on his head he bought at the Dollar Store He’s got the physique of a Chris Farley of Chippendales, only much less agile With the complexion of a Cheeto that’s been worn Hands so small, they were rejected by a circus-porn   Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero   Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero Hey-ho, Donnie’s a zero   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-hea

“Withholding the Bribery” Speaking, he was only speaking “I’ll give you that if you give me this,” no quid pro quo Dealing, he is always dealing “Four-hundred million for Biden’s dental records” Reeling, his story is reeling Like the Pinocchio-who-cried-wolf on steroids Covers, he’s running for covers But the bed he made he will now have to lie in   (Oh, boo-hoo) He’s withholding the bribery One even the blind can see Guilty of fraud and conspiracy Obstruction and being a pu$$y   He never thought he would be caught He thought everything could be bought Forgot technology exists Thought TikTok was a clock for kids   Impeached for his crimes on two counts (Lock!) Then acquitted by soul sell-outs (Him!) He must have some dirt on them (Up!) Lady G’s blow-up doll named Gym   Morals not a part of his life He’d rather die than say he lied About to face his comeuppance “Mother’s disappointed,” says Mike Pence   A criminal (Lock) He is a criminal (Him) A criminal (Up) He is a criminal (Now) Each accusation is a confess

“¡Amar Old Glory Hole!” Oh, glory hole, you’re a fantasy of his mind What could be on the other side? A porn star ready to spank him with his face? His personal “doctor” saying, “Here’s something you can sniff”? Unfortunately no, neither of those were the case They’d be much too clean for his sick and demented tastes Oh, glory hole, what he wants will never breathe He’s grabbed it joyfully, while saying it makes us free   Glory hole, amar Old Glory hole The stars and stripes he claims to always salute Dodging drafts and attacking Golden Star families There’s not a single brave bone in him Glory hole, don’t worry, glory hole Old Glory placed a restraining order against him The judge said, “What the f*ck?!?,” but then, “I’ll allow it” “I’m getting too old for this sh*t”   He started singing our banner (Glory hole!) But remembered none of the words “Jose built some rockets over there” (Glory hole!) “Do the wave, watch ‘Twilight,’ and burst” Standing tall, wearing a MAGA hat   Glory hole, don’t worry, glory hole

“No More Honesty” Y’all want no more honesty? Y’all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y’all want no more honesty? Y’all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y’all want no more honesty? Y’all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly   His mouth is an enemy to our democracy His nasty-a$$ mouth is an enemy Stick him in an infirmary, record-quickly Mask him, stop the spread of his malarkey (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) He’ll say he’s not guilty, ask trailer parks for money They’ll then sell Junior some Motel-6 blow (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) Poor little Donnie, forced to take responsibility Karma is a b*tch and she wants some more (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”)   Y’all want no more honesty? Y’all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y’all want no more honesty? Y’all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly   Only a matter of time Til he’s punished for his crimes Til he cries in the night and ti

“34 Felony Crackdown” [Part I] Whoo, whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo Born in a mansion, the son of a king His shadow was opportunity All the failures were greeted with a shrug No consequences for all his f*ck-ups   The three-millionth time was no charm The truth hatched, he’s more screwed than a chick at a farm   34 felony crackdown There’s no misdemeanors to be found His life of crime finally has a price A rat behind bars, afraid of the mice   Whoo, whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo His vests were always legal-proof His Pampers, rat-hair, and clip-on ties too Thought he’d get away with everything Then he got smacked on the a$$ by Stormy   The three-millionth time was no charm The truth hatched, he’s more screwed than a chick at a farm   34 felony crackdown There’s no misdemeanors to be found His life of crime finally has a price A rat behind bars, afraid of the mice   [Part 2] We are his, we are his loyal dumb sheep Do all he says, still believe we are free If he says “Inject Tide!” to clean our clothes We’ll get naked and ask, “W