Movie Mastery

An earnestly fun, low budget comedy with high gore and nudity content that would honestly have aged pretty well if it weren’t for all the racial slurs and homophobia.

When you need a problem solved and nobody else can get it done, you call the legally distinct from G.I. Joe men at Megaforce.

A movie that took the name of a Stephen King short story but has absolutely nothing in common with it and yet somehow still manages to be an extremely Stephen King movie.

The classic “how do I reach these kids” teacher movie with a military twist and you better believe that there’s a scene where these army teens drop a sick Hamlet rap.

Special guest James D’Amato joins us in a review of Britain’s extremely cursed foray into the world of animated movies. A film with a plot so absurd that there is no way the movie can do it justice.

Whoever it was that decided this should be on our list both understands exactly what this show is about and also is a terrible person. Hitting some surprising new lows on this one.

Ok but the movie poster claims “the most bizarre murder weapon ever used” and that’s just not even remotely true. Killing someone with a truck is real fuckin basic. You kill someone with some Pumpernickel bread and maybe you can claim most bizarre murder weapon.

The 4th and final installment of the 3 Ninjas series goes out on a “what?” as Hulk Hogan helps some kids fight terrorists that are also ninjas that have taken over an amusement park.

A group of mercenaries accidentally kidnap the worlds most killingest badass for their murder training and he picks them off one by one using nothing but a knife, his wits, and a sweet pair of daisy dukes. Somehow, this is turned into the most tedious and boring movie we’ve watched in a while.

You remember those horror books aimed at kids that were super popular in the early-mid 90’s? Well, they definitely cashed in on that in a timely fashion with this movie in 2015!

It’s still queer horror week for this Horrortoberfest and, unfortunately, this one is the dark side of the offerings given how this movie views gay and trans people. I will never allow Jef to watch good horror.

In a pulp fiction alternate 1939, nefarious plans are afoot and only the dashing Sky Captain can put an end to this world ending threat. Also, everything looks like it’s been soaked in piss and smeared with vaseline.

A treasure previously lost was found once again by the Alamo Draft House. Now everyone can enjoy the earnest, goofy, terrible movie that is Miami Connection and the rockin’ yet oddly sweet lyrics of Dragon Sound.

A terrifying, inhuman elite controls society and keeps people under control through television, advertising, and the help of their recruits that work to maintain the suppression of any rebellious actions. Also, we watched a John Carpenter film!

The classic 80’s film that tried to see if a full puppet movie could work. With some gorgeous design work from Jim Henson and Brian Froud and performances from classic Muppet actors, it almost does. Almost.

A movie that dares to ask the unthinkable question: What if the youth of America actually gave a shit about politics and showed up to vote? Truly a terrifying thought.

The Loony Tunes are back and ready to create a giant commercial for WB properties and also basketball kind of happens.

In a cult classic that has bigger star power than you might have assumed for such an incredibly stupid movie; we try to make sense of a snake vampire lady and also do the world’s most atrocious Scottish accents.

In the same way that the Taken movies are just fodder for middle-aged dads to imagine that they could be super badass heroes still; this movie is for 20-something burnout stoners to imagine that they could be super badass heroes.

Back in the era where comic book movies hadn’t quite figured out the formula for success, a little property about a post-apocalyptic riot grrl could flourish as a unique creation. Uniquely BAD! BOOM! Take THAT!