Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

After Peter failed to call off Mr. Beck's hired goons in the last episode, his plan starts to come into focus: she's kidnapped, and Peter's going to be the hero who saves her, in the process winning her back. And it actually...seems to work? Kyle has to humble himself by asking Peter for ransom money, for starters, though Peter is too worried about what the guys might do to relish it very much. The only problem seems to be that Amanda has more ingenuity and a stronger survival drive than Beck's henchmen anticipated. Taylor lets Jane know that she wasn't just idly talking at the end of the last episode: she really does not want to raise the baby she's carrying, and really thinks Michael and Jane should do it instead. Though Jane still isn't sure she and Michael are going to reunite as a couple, she's in (?), but will he be? And will he have time to hear a pitch when he's so busy trying to split up Jennifer and Billy? Mind you, they don't really need the help what with Sam around, so focused on their misery tha

Mr. Beck from the last episode is about to go out of town, but first he makes sure Peter knows he's already started making arrangements for a deal the two of them discussed offscreen. It seems to involve extremely conspicuous hired goons posting up at the jazz club being obvious, and given the look of them, Peter's regrets start up well before we have any idea what the scheme even is. Speaking of schemes involving people who lived at the condo in the marina: Coop is having a bad time with Lexi, but the more he rebuffs her advances, the more determined she seems to get him to cave. Trying to prove to Lexi how confident she is in her relationship with Coop, Megan accidentally reveals how horny she is for the $5 million Coop will collect at the end of their marital year, which really undercuts his bargaining position with Lexi. Michael, a practiced liar, seems to think not only that he can keep Jane and Taylor from finding out about each other, but that he can do so while Jane is living with him. He...is mistake

Peter's more committed than ever to his scheme to get Amanda back, even though Dr. Visconti does not agree with him that a recurring sex dream -- in which she starts by resisting Peter's advances only to relent almost immediately -- is prophetic. Elsewhere: you're never going to believe this, but Coop and Lexi's sham marriage is a problem from DAY 1. The first problem: Coop and Megan can't be cool about it at all. The second: neither Lexi nor Peter seems to remember he was the one who told her this one weird trick for getting $10 million out of her father's estate. Michael seems to think Megan's official singleton status means he should try to get back together with her; when she shuts him down decisively, he has second thoughts about going back to Chicago for his 10th (lol) college reunion. His classmate Jane is excited to see him too, but dashes his hopes of reuniting with her in a more intimate way with some big news. At the agency, Billy and Sam deliver a great (lolol) campaign for an Italian swimsuit lin

It's not enough for Megan to spend her waking hours stressed out about Lexi's legal troubles and how easy it would be for Coop to solve them: she has to have extremely dramatic nightmares about them too! When Lexi herself fails to convince Coop with a practical argument delivered while casually stripping down to her slip, she realizes the only way her pitch has ANY shot of working is if it comes from Megan. Lexi's ex Peter wants to start courting Amanda immediately upon her return from the Dominican Republic, fresh divorce in hand, but whoops, she and Kyle got married again offscreen. Is Peter too late?! As Taylor's pregnancy continues taking up space in Michael's mind AND house, he tries to resist caring about his imminent progeny, but the ultrasound blob printout he's tucked into his wallet tells a different story. And while Billy and Jennifer are happily canoodling all over the complex, Sam gets increasingly upset about it -- and considering how aggressively Jeff pursued Sam when she was still married, he

Can Kyle stop Rory before he straight-up murders Amanda?!

Returning to the Dominican Republic to expedite her divorce from Kyle only reminds Amanda of how romantic her last trip there was, when she and Kyle were falling in love. Meanwhile, whatever scheme Rory has cooking seems to have sped up his timeline, so the smooth-talking gigolo routine needs to go into overdrive, too. Back in L.A., Kyle enlists Jennifer in his campaign to push Taylor into confessing her big secret about Christine, while Michael advises her against it. Michael, at least, seems to have given up his campaign to reunite with his ex, and spends every scene with Megan verbally abusing her while Coop looks increasingly constipated about it. Peter returns to Lexi seeming to have finally noticed what the rest of us have known all along: she's boring and she sucks. Speaking of "boring" and "sucks": THE SAM/BILLY/JENNIFER/JEFF QUADRANGLE, which is STILL HAPPENING GAAAAAAAH! Make yourself a tropical drink (heavy on the rum), and join us for our podcast on "Divorce Dominican Style"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Just one more season of Melrose Place remains, but the podcast will live on. The question is: what show will we go through episode by episode after Melrose Place's Season 7 finale? We invited listeners JUST LIKE YOU to call and pitch your suggestions, and the time has come to listen and consider what the future may hold! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Coop brings Megan to Philadelphia for the last phase of his job interview. Will she elude Larner's clutches? Michael can't keep the secret of Taylor's pregnancy, and neither can Jennifer. Once Kyle finds out, will he and Michael be able to test its paternity without letting Taylor find out the truth? Peter's stress level goes so far through the roof that the hospital's psychiatrist lends Peter his cabin to chill out. Will he remain chill once Michael follows him there? Rory is still working his angles with Amanda. Does she actually hate herself enough to let him? And Jennifer is getting increasingly territorial about Billy. Will she finally just tell him what Sam has actually been doing with Jeff, since Billy has somehow remained the very last carbon-based life form on Earth to find out? All these questions AND MORE are answered in the gigantic Season 6 finale, so get comfortable while our latest podcast tells you all about "M.P. Confidential" and "The Nasty Minded Professor"! (For the record, that's the show

Coop is still boring us all with talk of his big job in Philadelphia, and while Megan is still strongly considering joining him if he gets it, there's a problem: the head of the search committee is coming to town, and the restaurant where he wants to meet Coop and Megan happens to be in the hotel where Megan formerly worked. While this is weighing on Megan, her worst friend Jennifer pressures her to be more considerate of Michael, whose clinic is so deep in debt that he is openly considering burning it down for the insurance money. Coop's ex, meanwhile, runs into Rory, and old friend from Cleveland; once she finds out he's divorced, she immediately decides to set him up with Amanda, all the better to keep her away from Peter. Amanda really must be off her game, because she can't immediately clock Rory as a bounder. Kyle goes to Dallas to try to get more clues about what Nick was doing in L.A., and he does when his ex-landlady reveals that Taylor came to see him. Taylor tells Michael she thinks she's still con

Christine is still dead. Nick is still gone. And yet we're still hearing a lot about both of them. Amanda is so racked with guilt that she's taking it out on Kyle, whose attempts to bridge the gap between them all come out very hostile. Then Kyle gets a letter from Nick informing him that Taylor's dead, which she proves she is not by walking into the scene seconds later, but it still sends Kyle on an investigative journey into whom Christine had contact with in her last days, and why. Both the remaining blond doctors are annoying the (annoying) women in their lives with unilateral decisions about their living arrangements: Coop is up for a job in Philadelphia and assumes Megan will be overjoyed to move there with him if he gets it; Peter, having been back with Lexi for one date, buys her a condo on the marina. Michael and his clinic continue their downward spiral, though at least he has regular gossip updates from Taylor to distract him. Speaking of gossip, Megan happens to be leaving the complex just in time

Having accidentally killed Christine in the last episode, Nick springs into action with a cunning plan, and drags Taylor along: they're going to call a suicide note in to Amanda at the hotel where she and Kyle are staying on their wedding night, then leave Christine on the tracks so that her corpse will be obliterated past the point where any physical evidence of Nick's actions can be determined. And it works, particularly as regards Taylor's agenda in the larger plan, because Amanda tries to conceal the suicide message from Kyle, then blames herself for her seeming part in Christine's death. And Kyle is so determined to get her past it that he even enlists Peter to convince Amanda that she's innocent before eventually deciding he agrees with her, actually. But the two surviving co-conspirators can't help turning on each other. Billy and Sam continue boring us all with their infidelity, though their respective co-cheaters do escalate their interest (but just a little -- the season's still got four more episod

Christine -- or should we say "Christine"? -- is ready to pull the plug on Operation Reset Kyle's Life, but Taylor and Nick have invested too much in it and simply will not allow that to happen. The next phase involves "Christine" confessing suicidal ideation to Peter so that he'll (a) commit her on a psych hold and (b) use all her professions of love to his own advantage with Amanda by telling Kyle and pushing him and Christine together. Unfortunately, Peter does only the first thing and very much not the second; in fact, he basically orders Kyle to leave Christine alone and marry Amanda as fast as he can -- which just requires Taylor to escalate the situation further. Here's what's not really escalating: anything between Billy and Sam OR the people who have crushes on them. Sam panics after sex with Jeff and tells him it absolutely cannot happen again. But Jeff is ready to throw away his whole career for her! Until she tells him not to and then he doesn't! Jennifer, meanwhile, continues mooning around Billy

From AWAWT 089: Let’s Watch Rob Estes In 21 Jump Street! Rob “Kyle McBride” Estes starred in a fourth-season Jump Streetepisode on illegal gambling, which featured verrrry long establishing shots; frequent PSAs about bookmaking; Penhall being a mediocre white guy; and a surprisingly winning turn from Estes. Special guest star Dustin Nguyen’s mall-sized blazer! From AWAWT 114: Let's Watch Lisa Rinna Go Off In Amsterdam On The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills! Yolanda Hadid just wanted to take her fellow Real Housewives on a nice visit her home country, The Netherlands. Unfortunately, Lisa Rinna was in the middle of being very concerned (or possibly “concerned”) about Kim Richards’s sobriety, and Kim was not having it. Cue one of the franchise’s most memorable fights! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

So the last episode showed us that Christine was definitely alive; definitely wrote that letter years ago that Taylor apparently forgot about and had to go to Dallas to have Nick explain; and definitely was really injured in the war, she's also in cahoots with Nick, against Kyle. In this one, we're told that although money is apparently involved, and Christine doesn't feel great about her part in it, and this is also kind of a plan FOR Kyle, in the sense of rekindling his friendship with Nick? But other than that there is a plan, we don't know what it is, except that it involves Christine acting like she really needs a lot of attention from Kyle and is still constantly thinking about suicide -- and, honestly, how much acting is involved is an open question. As A plots go, we've had better! Moving on: Lexi has moved out of Peter's place, and (chastely) in with Coop. Megan is upset that Coop could throw her over so easily, so she heads straight back to Michael, and damn the danger of seeing him at the clinic. P

The time has come for a midseason two-parter, and new characters are popping off. Having mooched some extra ER shifts from Peter, Michael meets a shady gentleman (how shady? His name is Spider), who encourages Michael to revive the shuttered medical clinic in his neighborhood. Much as we were expected to believe that Michael doesn't know how strip clubs work, we're also expected to believe he doesn't understand the quid pro quo implied. Meanwhile, with Mrs. Mancini still in town, Jennifer has to keep asking Billy to pose as Craig -- and since Sam is still head over heels for Jeff, she has no problem giving Billy permission to do it and leave her alone, basically. And after Lexi's father Thomas suffers a health emergency in the middle of a conversation with Peter, Michael's ex-wife, Megan, stumbles secret knowledge about it that she wishes she never had. Mancinis: drama magnets! When Kyle and Christine have an awkward reunion that immediately resurrects Angry Kyle, Christine enlists Amanda to help her smooth t

We join Jennifer just as she's absorbing horrifying news: Mia Mancini, mother to Jennifer and Michael, is coming for a visit -- just as her children's lives are falling apart! Michael has to do some fancy footwork to explain why he doesn't want to bring Mia to his office, but it works, and when Mia mistakes Billy for Craig, Jennifer just decides to run with it! Billy is more willing to play along than he might otherwise be since Sam is preoccupied: landing Jeff Baylor means committing to have her run his campaign, and although Jeff knows she's married, he maaaaaybe doesn't care, and maybe Sam doesn't either what with Billy being such a jerk to her all the time. Taylor guides Amanda to finding out more information about Christine, but slightly overplays her hand by telling Amanda things only Nick knew, which Amanda then repeats to Kyle. But everything changes when Kyle very belatedly receives a letter Christine wrote him years ago. Thomas only has one scene, but he makes it count: Sterling Conway Enterprises h

Once again, the medical practice is a flashpoint for drama. Peter can plainly tell that Lexi's father Thomas has no respect for him, because Thomas is not even pretending to hide it. (It's not like we can really say Thomas is WRONG to think Peter is bad news for his daughter, but since he much prefers Coop for her, it's not like his judgment is perfect.) Coop is keeping a close eye on Michael and Amber, noting their cohabitation and making sure Amber gets invited to a big reception the practice is throwing to impress a bunch of "hospital bigwigs." Once there, Coop doesn't let her champagne glass empty, and though the consequences are predictable, we must ALSO say that Coop had nothing to do with Amber showing up in what would be quite brief even as a nightgown, plus also braless; Michael did THAT to her/himself. Amanda's recovery takes a sudden turn for the better, just in time for Taylor to track Nick down in Dallas, break into his apartment, talk up the jazz club, and get the full story of Christine the Mar

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Our A plot is a good old doctor roundup! Michael is using all his romantic tricks to lock down Amber; when she resists, he (rudely) assumes it's because she's embarrassed about her job and what his friends (who) will think of her, and (annoyingly) the show doesn't let her tell him she's rejecting him for any number of other very good reasons. When Megan dribbles some baloney about never having really dated, Coop suggests that they start their relationship over in a "courtship" mode. Bob, having recovered his memories about the night of the hit-and-run, confronts Peter with a blackmail threat, but he doesn't want money: he wants Peter to break up with Lexi so that Bob can have her for himself. (Billy, Sam, and Jennifer also stop by for one scene, presumably for contractual reasons.) Since Amanda is still paralyzed, Taylor starts looking for ways she can use the situation to her advantage with Kyle, spying on him when he goes looking through his old foot locker. When Taylor actually talks to Amanda, they compar

Amanda and Sam's crash site still hasn't been found, and Kyle is DETERMINED to locate it NO MATTER WHAT and REGARDLESS of whose actually experienced toes he steps on!!! (Billy is also there, kind of circling Kyle and yapping like that little dog in the old Looney Tunes cartoon.) Anyway -- spoiler? -- the ladies are located and treated for their injuries, and it turns out Amanda wasn't just whining about her back: it is seriously injured, to the degree that she may be paralyzed. (Or just have to stay in bed for a while because of Heather Locklear's pregnancy.) While Sam is still recovering -- and totally convinced by Billy's version of Connie's snitching about their kiss -- Billy urges Connie to go see her, promising he didn't tell her anything about...you know. GloveCo is thriving, but Coop still wants to get rid of Michael; soft-hearted and/or stupid Megan just wants him to ignore Michael instead. While Peter is occupied by Amanda's treatment, Lexi lavishes her attention onto Bob, in a decision she almost im