Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

The good news is that after seeing his worst qualities reflected in his awful father, Kyle has realized that he does, finally, have to tell Amanda what's driven him to drink and pills. The bad news is that he does so immediately after setting the dream house frame on fire and driving off to parts unknown. Amid and around waiting for him to return, Amanda decides to send Ryan to Mexico for a resort client pitch meeting, and Lexi decides to send herself as soon as she knows he's going. Amanda also manages Sharp Objects out of the rock and roll club in Kyle's absence, pissing off Eve, who thinks Amanda's doing it on Peter's orders to sabotage Eve's career. (Peter also finds time to comfort Amanda...maybe a little too well?) Elsewhere, we find out what exactly Michael has been doing with Nurse Audrey, and whether he found the right partner for a scheme based on sexual intrigue. Get ready to salute our podcast on "Saving Ryan's Privates"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

McBride patriarch Mack comes to town to ruin everyone's lives.

Having been assaulted, at the end of the previous episode, with Kyle's version of Eve's scandalous history, Peter kind of...acts like a grownup? He tells her what he's heard, then goes to Oakhurst to see what he can find out himself. Unsurprisingly, the small-town fascists make Eve look much more credible by contrast. Back in L.A., Kyle is still a mess, and Ryan is still sniffing around Megan's restrictive new work schedule. Wilshire Memorial has taken a cue from the rest of the country post-Monica Lewinsky by deciding to educate its staff about sexual harassment. When Michael isn't trying -- and still failing -- to confess his charity embezzlement, he's ignoring everything he was told in his sexual harassment seminar to flirt with a cute new nurse named Audrey. We will TRY not to punch too hard in our podcast on "A Fist Full Of Secrets"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Kyle's reaction to Amanda kicking him out? Putting down his duffel bag and opening up his bag of pills. He's not trying to hear advice from Peter or Ryan, so Eve takes her shot -- then probably regrets it when Sharp Objects comes to town and Kyle orders her to perform as their new lead singer despite how uncomfortable she is about their lascivious looks. Perry is selling Michael so hard on the investment opportunity that Michael decides there's actually no risk at all if he just secretly borrows $100,000 from Peter and Amanda's children's charity. You'll never guess what happens next unless you've ever watched or read a single story about short cons. And when Megan ramps up her efforts to find lasting love for Lexi -- secretively, as Lexi has demanded -- Ryan starts to wonder whether her furtiveness is due to her having returned to her old job. We think we killed our podcast on "I Married A Jock Murderer"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Kyle still hasn't figured out how to tell Amanda the news about his infertility, and has gone so far past the point of self-medication that he...gets on a plane and goes all the way to the other side of the country to "scout bands" in New York City. This is a great plan, because Peter doesn't want to refill his prescription of "relaxers," and you know who has access to drugs and a willingness to party? Bands! And their managers! Back in Los Angeles, Lexi is still trying to figure out what secret Eve is keeping from her; Peter says he doesn't care, when it's pretty clear he does. Lexi takes a break from harassing her ex's new wife to give Megan an important new assignment at her fake job: find Lexi a man! On the promise of becoming a name partner upon completion of the unorthodox assignment, Megan agrees. Deciding to give up on their divorce doesn't mean Michael and Jane no longer have any problems to deal with: they still have to pay their lawyers, but Michael refuses on principle to economize in any way, whi

It's the winter holiday season on Melrose Place, and Santa's sleigh is about to get totaled. Dr. V has the charitable instinct of enlisting Michael, Peter, and their male neighbors from the complex to be temporary Santas at various local schools. Little do they know that ANOTHER group of Santas has assembled for much more nefarious purposes. Fortunately, a moment of mistaken identity is quickly cleared up, freeing the Santas for their various pursuits. Michael resumes divorcing Jane, only for an activist judge to order them to spend the holidays together. Ryan celebrates finally getting together with Megan by calling out from work for a multi-day bone-a-thon. Eve's hope for a beautiful first Christmas with Peter is threatened when Travis, the tree lot guy, tries to blackmail her into sex, and Kyle volunteers to get involved to help work out a little of his self-hating aggression on Travis's face -- because, oh yeah, while Amanda keeps talking about this being their last Christmas alone, Kyle still hasn't told

Amanda and Kyle having decided they want to have a baby, Amanda's gotten herself medically cleared for action, and asks Kyle to do the same. But since he knows some of his Gulf War veteran buddies have had fertility issues, Kyle goes to his new pal (?) Peter (??) for a physical to see if he also got exposed to anything that compromised his baby-making capacity. The very busy Amanda also accepts Lexi's invitation that they bury their former animosity by starting a charity to benefit the hospital; since Eve is present when Peter's exes tell him about it, Eve gets territorial about Lexi and volunteers to join them, even though the more time she spends with Lexi, the more opportunities she has to reveal too much about her past. Ryan and Megan both finally get over themselves and agree to a date that doesn't exactly go the way either of them would like. And Michael and Jane try to move on from each other, even if neither of them seems entirely sure that's what they want. No, we certainly will NOT be making any "st

We found out in the last episode that Eve served 15 years in prison, and this week, we find out why; thus, all of us are one-up on Peter, since Amanda and Eve convince Kyle (to whom they spilled their secret) not to tell Peter, and he and Eve get married without incident as far as he knows. Kyle's not thrilled about it, but when he gets back to L.A. he finds much to distract him: a random baby to hold and be cute with; a plot of land he and Amanda might buy to build their dream house on; all kinds of SIGNS that the drama is behind them and they can talk seriously about settling down and starting a family. Meanwhile, back in Oakhurst, Lexi makes an ass of herself crashing Peter and Eve's honeymoon; the shock of finding out Peter went ahead and married another lady convinces her to stop acting the fool all over town. Jane continues dealing with her health scare, and Megan does a terrible job keeping her confidence, leading Michael into situations that confuse him as to the future of his relationship with Jane.

The sex-driven roof collapse of the previous episode has thrown everyone into chaos. Jane is going ahead with divorce proceedings immediately! Ryan is done with Lexi for good! Megan is also done with Lexi as a friend and a boss! Michael...is starting therapy, which is honestly probably a good idea and long overdue! Peter is suddenly bereaved, as he finds out his estranged father has died, apparently alone, and after the day it takes to settle his estate and not attend the funeral, Peter is re-evaluating his life. Specifically, he doesn't want to end up as lonely as his old man, so will Eve marry him? She will! And she'll have it in Oakhurst, which is alarming to Amanda for reasons we don't know! Kyle decides he's done hating Peter just in time to get very suspicious about his new fiancée, and try to save him from marrying an unworthy partner. We tell you whether wedding bells will successfully ring this time in our podcast on "Lethal Wedding 4"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

It's Jane and Michael's wedding day: take 2! Bad start: Michael is reunited with her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Andrews, who all soon realize none of them knows where Jane is. Amanda does, once Jane summons her to the hotel room she's booked (which: let's pause and congratulating her on figuring out THIS resource) to say she and Alex kissed and now she doesn't know if marrying Michael is a mistake. Amanda tries to hold everything together, getting the groom and all the guests to the church...but will Jane join them? Whether you're listening at sunrise or sunset, please enjoy our podcast on "Fiddling On The Roof"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

In some ways, things for Eve and Peter seem to be going great: he's giving her his credit card for a shopping spree, broadly hinting that he'd love her to move in, and so on. Buuuuuuuut, there's also the fact that she needs a shopping spree because she barely has any clothes; and is she maybe so focused on Peter that she might pass up a chance to make a deal with a record label? That's not all, but don't get too excited: whatever her terrible secret is, that reveal isn't happening yet. Also not happening: Jane's participation in the final wedding arrangements, because Alex is demanding that she come with him to his studio in Chicago to help him with his spring line. And if this puts them back together at the same place where they boned on the eve of her last wedding to Michael, so much the better for him! Michael tries to prove that he really does trust her by staying away, though if Peter wasn't around to keep distracting him, Michael would definitely be getting on a plane to intrude. Megan continues running

Eve is about as eager to get things going with Peter as a person can be. And she knows he and Amanda were formerly married. And she recognizes that her instincts about relationships may not be the greatest. But no, she is not going to listen to any of Amanda's suggestions about how to handle things with him. Megan is trying to walk the narrow line between staying on Lexi's good side (and in her employ) while letting Amanda know Megan respects her; she's also, maybe, starting to thaw on Ryan. Lexi, meanwhile, is holing up in her condo trying to drink away her public humiliation. Michael and Jane's story is still mostly spinning its wheels. At least Alex does what he can to change things up by suggesting that Jane become the face and body of his fashion brand, while also enlisting Amanda to break Jane and Michael up on threat of Alex pulling his business. Then there's a city-wide blackout that throws everyone into disarray! You don't need to see a dang thing to enjoy our podcast on "The Night The Lights Went Ou

After being drawn to Eve's (a) medical level of neediness and (b) siren song, Peter asks her out. And Amanda is all about it, giving Eve tips on how to land him and even lending her an outfit. But then Eve is a little too aggressive in kissing him goodnight, and too eager to try to walk back her first impression, to the degree that both Peter and the audience is left wondering what her deal actually is. We're not going to find out from Amanda this week, since she's got her own problems: BizLine has nominated her for Woman Of The Year, and since Lexi simply cannot have that, she uses back channels to try to talk the editor out of giving it to Amanda and, when that doesn't work, starts a rumor that Amanda slept with him to clinch her victory. Since Jane never noticed that Michael was on the property when Alex was declaring his love in the last episode, she remains focused on her suspicion that what Michael's hiding is an affair with Megan, despite being proven wrong every time she confronts either of them about

When Peter makes a whole scene at the not-jazz club keeping Lexi from telling Amanda what she knows about Peter, Kyle figures out that he might be able to confirm his vague suspicions about Peter by joining forces with her, even going to her fake office to arm-grab her about it. Lexi keeps it to herself...for now. When Kyle's not laser-focused on taking Peter down, he's taking down Eve, a Lilith Fair manquée trying to book a gig at the club. When she collapses in the parking lot downstairs, Amanda takes an uncharacteristic interest in her. Ryan's interest is still on Megan: refusing to take no for an answer when he asks her out, he forces her to bring Lexi as a chaperone on the date he bullies her into accepting. And Michael is STILL suspicious that Jane is going to cheat on him with Alex, and sets traps to try to prove himself right, some more. Listen to our latest episode to hear all about "Not Quite All About Eve"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

From AWAWT 126: Let’s Watch Grant Show In True Blue! Midseason replacement True Blue is the 9-1-1 of its day...so why didn't it last longer than three months? Maybe because Law & Order, which staffed up with half TB's cast, came along and ate its lunch? Maybe because it spent its entire budget on music rights for this one episode, "Oldies But Goodies"? We have some theories, but we're pretty sure it's not Grant Show's fault. From AWAWT 131: Let's Watch Dina Meyer On Friends! Dina Meyer had a three-episode arc as Kate, a fancy actress who thinks her co-star Joey (Matt LeBlanc) is beneath her. In this bonus episode, we watch how she and her beautiful hair made their exit. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Kyle is still morbidly focused on Amanda, Peter, and the missing diary page, which is such a waste of energy since Peter is probably going to trip himself up soon enough: LEXI has winkled out his most recent terrible secret, which if Kyle knew she'd done should make him very ashamed that she's shown him up. When Kyle's brother Ryan isn't reading way too much into his every interaction with Kyle, he's doing his fake job for Amanda: both Ryan and Lexi's newest employee Megan travel to Arizona to try to land an eccentric soap client. When mishaps throw the rivals together, Megan actually one-ups Ryan in the touchy department. And we should probably create a macro for this: Michael is suspicious that Jane is going to cheat on him with Alex, and sets traps to try to prove himself right. Our podcast on "Dr. Jealousy" is good for what ails you! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Having convinced himself that Megan is suicidal, Michael leaves town to follow her to the trailer park he's been given to understand she grew up in. Except whoops, it's a stately manor with horses all over the lawn, and parents who totally know what she's been doing since she left home; it was, according to Megan's mother Teresa (Shirley Jones!), the news of Megan's former profession that caused her father's debilitating stroke. Will Megan's disappointments in Los Angeles convince her to return to ranch life, or will Michael, the guy who just jilted her, lure her back to the complex? While he's out of town, Amanda sends Jane to try to land her old design school friend Alex as a client, and Jane decides to try to ignore their history for the chance at 25% of his fees if she's successful. At first he's too cold; then he's...way too warm. Speaking of being cold and then warm: Peter, rushed to the hospital for surgery on that gunshot wound. As doctors are yelling jargon over him in the ER, Peter decides he can't

It's been a hot second since we got a single-storyline episode, and all it took was Matt getting killed (offscreen) in a car crash! Everyone absorbs the news in their own ways, but only Amanda bothers to go see Matt's mother, who doesn't want anyone from the complex to attend the funeral but has no compunction bequeathing Amanda Matt's diary. And it turns out that all those times the writers didn't bother giving Matt anything to do, we should have assumed he was just out of frame, listening to all his neighbors' most shocking secrets and noting them in his journal. Michael's sexy secret job in Chicago? Amanda's true feelings for Peter? How Kyle became estranged from the brother we never knew he had -- the brother who then shows up at the jazz club? And a page SO HOT Amanda tears it out and hides it?! YES. Listen to our latest episode to learn all about "The World According To Matt"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Taylor having inconveniently gone into labor in the middle of a pounding rainstorm, the ambulance can't get to the beach house in time and Michael Jr. is delivered at home, to his two biological parents and the blonde lady so desperate for her chance at motherhood that she's ignoring every instinct a sensible person could possibly have and agreeing to raise him with the unreliable man with whom she first re-initiated contact last week. Taylor took her last moments as a childless person to INSIST that Michael and Jane agree to take custody of the baby...but she sure does seem crestfallen that Jane and Michael Jr. are getting along so well! Michael calls Jennifer to tell her she's an aunt, but she's still in the middle of getting dumped by a guy who doesn't deserve her, and when Jane finds out Michael was involved, she orders him to fix it. On the other side of the country, Sam shows up at the radio station that probably started immediately regretting having hired Jeff, and begs him for another chance. What's u

After Peter failed to call off Mr. Beck's hired goons in the last episode, his plan starts to come into focus: she's kidnapped, and Peter's going to be the hero who saves her, in the process winning her back. And it actually...seems to work? Kyle has to humble himself by asking Peter for ransom money, for starters, though Peter is too worried about what the guys might do to relish it very much. The only problem seems to be that Amanda has more ingenuity and a stronger survival drive than Beck's henchmen anticipated. Taylor lets Jane know that she wasn't just idly talking at the end of the last episode: she really does not want to raise the baby she's carrying, and really thinks Michael and Jane should do it instead. Though Jane still isn't sure she and Michael are going to reunite as a couple, she's in (?), but will he be? And will he have time to hear a pitch when he's so busy trying to split up Jennifer and Billy? Mind you, they don't really need the help what with Sam around, so focused on their misery tha