Ultimate Scrutiny

We thought that because we've been absolutely terrible at keeping everyone updated with how things are, we'd record a little update. It's not an episode, so sorry about that, and it's only Phil L on this one, so double sorry about that.

It’s 1944, it’s Hartford Connecticut and this may be the most horrible episode we’ve ever done.  In what grisled old circus types are already calling the Greatest Podcast on Earth, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss the truly terrible Hartford Circus Fire - the awesome conflagration that descended on the good people of Connecticut one beautiful summers day in July. Should they have used petrol to waterproof the tent. Nope. No. Absolutely not.  TRIGGER WARNING. This is a bad one, and it gave both of us a bit of a shock. Seriously, one of the worst. So proceed with caution. It involves children being burned alive.  Written by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam Sound clips [No Copyright Music] Retro 80's Funky Jazz-Hop Instrumental (Copyright Free) Music - Sundance Remix Music Credit: SUNDANCE Track Name: "Perséphone - Retro Funky (SUNDANCE remix)" Music By: SUNDANCE @ https://soundcloud.com/sundancemusic The SUNDANCE Official Website is HERE - http://lefthandmusic.fr/

It’s 1961. It’s North Carolina USA and a Boeing B52 Stratofortress has just mislaid two 3.8 megaton Hydrogen Bombs somewhere in the sky above Goldsboro.  In what, despite the best efforts of Pentagon whitewashers, we now know to be the newly declassified 44th episode of the CB Wallop podcast, join Phil Lucas and Phil Jerrod as they discuss The Goldsboro B-52 Crash - the gigantic military plane that fell out of the sky, dumped two of the most dangerous pieces of equipment the world has ever seen into a tree and ended up creating the tensest picnic spot in North America.  Did the Pentagon keep it all secret? Well ... ****REDACTED ....REDACTED ....REDACTED**** Trigger Warning: FIRE THE NUCLEAR WEAPONS! This episode is one of the closest shaves in the history of close shaves, but it’s all about what could have happened, rather than what ended up happening - so unless you’ve got a really vivid imagination, you should be fine.  Written by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam Audio clips

It’s 1935, it’s Long Island, New York and a group of extremely naughty monkeys are about to stage the easiest prison break since David Copperfield pretended to be locked in Alcatraz. In what hundreds of fast-talking New York monkeys are already throwing their excrement at, it's the 43rd episode of the CB Wallop podcast. Join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss the The Long Island Rhesus Monkey Escape - the tiny plank-based blunder that unwittingly released over a hundred naughty monkeys into the metropolitan area, causing car crashes, electrocutions, and a whole load of general monkey-based mayhem. Should we have called this episode “Escape from Monkey Mountain”?  Yes, yes we should have.  Trigger Warning: MONKEYS! Nothing to worry about mate, this episode is just a load of monkeys having a right laugh for a couple of weeks in New York City. There is a tiny bit of discussion about animal cruelty (oiling elephants), electrocution (monkeys), space travel (again monkeys), and Rasputin's cock (Rasput

It’s 1994. It’s forty-thousand feet over the Siberian tundra and Captain Yaroslav Vladimirovich Kudrinsky is about to take part in the worst bring your child to work day since Daddy Day Care 3. In what panicking Russian pilots are already radioing in as the 42nd edition of the CB Wallop Podcast join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss Aeroflot Flight 593 -  the quite frankly anus tightening, stomach crunching, thigh scarring, nightmare fueling, brain buggeringly terrifying story of what happens when you let your children fly an airliner.  Should they have let their kids in the cockpit?... I mean, I can’t believe i’m even having to say this - but no. no please God no. Trigger warning: Well, this one scared the absolute crap out of me - so I don’t know how you’ll deal with it. I mean it’s a plane that crashes into a Siberian mountain, what do you want from me? There are no survivors and it would be hard to imagine how the last few moments of the flight could have been any more terrifying. Other than

It's 1988. It's as close to Broadway as makes no odds and a load of luvvie theatre types are about to sit through the worst high school musical since High School Musical. In what puritanical religious mothers are already wringing their hands might be the 41st edition of the CB Wallop podcast, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss Carrie: The Musical. The gigantic Broadway flop that tried to make a big song and dance about periods, bullying, dirty pillows and pig murder, but ended up being more waterlogged barbecue than blazing telekinetic inferno. Should they have based the whole thing on Fame! No... No probably not. Trigger Warning: Nothing to worry about mate, this is just musical theatre. There is a bit more swearing than usual for some reason - maybe just because Phil Lucas hates musicals so much, and some lady’s hygiene chat, but mainly it’s just making fun of a terrible musical. If you don’t like it, don’t worry, we can burn it together and pray for forgiveness. Written by Phil Jerrod

It's the 18th Century. Britain is deep at war with France (probably) and Londoners are getting slaughtered on a ‘throat-searing, eye-reddening, vomit-churning hell broth’ of fermented juniper berries and sulphuric acid. In what powder-faced, big-wigged, coffee house creeping Georgians are already calling the 40th episode of the CB Wallop Podcast join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The London Gin Craze - the unaccountable popularity of a beverage so strong it caused birth defects, blindness, and in some extreme cases, actual infantacide.  Fancy sucking down a triple Beefeater from the Puss-and-Mew machine tonight? No... no thanks. Trigger warning. This one’s all about the problems of drinking too much - but don’t worry - there’s nothing on the market these days that comes close to the horrors of 18th Century homebrew - unless you’re drinking out of your lawnmower that is. There is a bit of child murder in this one, and a little bit of nasty childhood illness - but mostly it’s underprivileged

It’s 1992. It’s the Phillipines and PepsiCo have just made the biggest computer error since Newscorp bought MySpace. In what discerning listeners are already calling the Podcast of a New Generation, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Pepsi Numbers Promotion - the Pepsi Challenge that created 40,000 Filipino millionaires, then quickly turned into absolute bloody madness. Should they have just used raffle tickets? Yes.. that might have worked better. Trigger Warning - Phil and Phil would like to apologise wholeheartedly and unreservedly for the poor accent choices they made during the recording of this episode of the CB Wallop Podcast. Australian is NOT a reasonable replacement for Filipino. Otherwise this episode’s fine mate, nothing to worry about - just a bit of mayhem on the streets of Manilla - some people do get slightly killed, but it all turns out fine in the end.  Music by Steve Adam Written by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Sound clips https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UQM

It’s 1916. It’s Uplees just outside Faversham, and the good people of the Explosives Loading Company are about to open the biggest hole in Kent since Yates’s Wine Lodge.  In what will almost certainly be the most explosive episode of the CB Wallop Podcast ever join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Great Faversham Explosion of 1916 - the gigantic blast that rocked the south of England, atomised over a hundred working men and boys and inadvertently implied that ladies are far better off in the kitchen.   Should you store your T.N.T. next to your Ammonium Nitrate underneath your boiler house chimney? Nope. No, don't do that. Don’t do that again.  Trigger Warning: This is basically just a bloody massive explosion over a hundred years ago in a little town in England - nothing gratuitous here - unless you consider full and frank discussions about Kent’s Biggest Padlock gratuitous - in which case, you’d be right.    Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam

It’s 2018. It’s Elne in Southern France, and the Mayor has just cut the ribbon on one of the the most worthless art collections since they closed the last Athena.   In what the Policeman from ‘Allo ‘Allo would have called “Zee dirty-tree epi-sod of the CB Wallop podcast Reneeeé” join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Musee Etienne Terrus - the newly renovated French art museum, that was built to honour the great artist Etienne Terrus, then unwittingly filled with fake paintings.  Should you buy your art from a man in a brown mac calling himself Monsieur X ... no... no best not.  Trigger warning: This one’s ART. So you know - painting, brushes, the quality of light ‘pon the water - that sort of thing. There is some gratuitous chat about Hitler - right from the start, and some very extreme French accents, for which, as always, we make no apology.   Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam The fake Etienne Terrus collection | Showcase TRT World https://

It's 2001, it's Ontario, Canada and the town of Timmins’ most famous absentee country music superstar is finally being opened to the public in the form of a building.  In what might be the least impressive episode of the CB Wallop podcast in country-pop history, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Shania Twain Center. The gigantic monument to the genius of Shania Twain that was built on the side of a gold mine, attracted fewer visitors than Ian Huntley and was eventually remodeled as a gigantic hole in the ground.   It’s the first podcast coming to you LIVE from LOCKDOWN!  Should Phil have turned his fan off so we didn't lose half of the recording?...yes... yes he should have. Trigger Warning: The accents attempted in this episode are absolutely unacceptable. Really, quite unaccountably horrific. Phil attempts a Canadian accent that is, put simply - utterly rancid. Otherwise, it's fine. If you're a fan of Shania Twain she does get a very light rincing, but otherwise it's as vanilla as

It’s 1967, it’s the Scilly Isles and a jumbo-ized mega tanker full of dirty oil is about to cause more damage to the Cornish economy than Brexit, Thatcher and Fleetwood Mac put together.  In what must be the crudest installment of the CB Wallop Podcast EVER join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The SS Torrey Canyon - the gigantic oil tanker that went the wrong way, ran aground and made most of the west coast of England far, far too slippery for sunbathing.  Can you bomb oil out of the sea? No... turns out you can’t.  Trigger warning: This one involves the deaths of countless seabirds in rather nasty ways, but is otherwise okay. It’s just a really, really big oil spill. That said, after a fairly stern telling off from the good people of Bristol for our accents in the last installment, we have now exacerbated the problem by attempting not just Cornish, but also Italian and Dutch, for which, as ever, we make no apology. Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve

It’s the 20th of January, or the 30th of January 1606, or 1607. It’s Bristol, England and the surfing along the Bristol Channel is much, much better than usual.  In what bawdy, wide ruff’d Stuart noblemen are already calling the 34th chapt’r of thine CB Wallop Podcast, thou artless Banbury cheese, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Bristol Channel Flood - the gigantic freak wave that drowned pretty much everything and everyone right up to the Cotswolds.  Was it a tsunami? Was it the spring tide? Was it God having a go at the Pope? We may never know.  Trigger Warning: I mean come on guys, this thing happened in 1607, or 1606 - that’s a whopping 413 or 414 years ago! But even so, I suppose this one does involve lots of drowning and also the use of some very olde englishe which is offensive in its own way.  Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam Audio Clips: A Journey Down the River Severn - Course https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TwaEjAei4M

It’s 1990, it’s Frankfurt Germany and a shadowy music producer is about to drop the biggest pop bombshell since Robbie left Take That.  In what talent-free 80s mime artists are already lip syncing is the 33rd episode of the CB Wallop Podcast, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss Milli Vannill - the big shouldered Euro-pop megastars who sold a bazillion records, won an armful of awards and then had to give them all back again. Should they have read their record contract? Yes... yes they should.  Trigger Warning. Let’s face it - the 1980s were no picnic - but if you can get over the  hair/clothing/shoulder pad atrocities of the period you should be fine. There are also some very dodgy accents attempted in this episode for which we make no apology. Audio Clips: Showbiz Today: Milli Vanilli Scandal (1990 HD) MilliVanilliFanclub https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B66O3TxckE4&t=24s Rapido - BBC2 4th February 1990 KillianM2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4zDD9XzSJs&t=125s Milli Vani

It’s 1971. It’s Iraq and Saddam Hussein has just imported 95,000 tonnes of chemically coated Mexican grain so dangerous I’m surprised we didn’t have a war about it.   In what Iraqi Information Ministers are already denying is the 31st episode of the CB Wallop Podcast you Americans dogs! join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss the Iraq Poison Grain Disaster - the shocking and awful miscommunication that killed hundreds of people, poisoned thousands more, and forever ruined the reputation of bright pink bread.   Is a pig a good way to test for a poison? No... no it is not.   Trigger Warning: This one is all about poisonous bread. Mercury poisoning isn’t very nice - but otherwise it’s a relatively tame one. There is some discussion of totalitarian dictators’ windy-pops ...so sorry about that. Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music by Steve Adam Audio Clips: The development of Mexico in the 1970's -- Film 30486 HuntleyFilmArchives https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de6Wu

It’s 2007, it’s Chatham in Kent and nestled in a gigantic aluminium box above a Nando's chicken shop is the most authentic recreation of Victorian England since The Muppet's Christmas Carol.  In what Disney cockneys are already proclaiming is the 31st episode of the CB Wallop Podcast -Maory Pop-inns! join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss Dickens World - the well meaning theme park that tried to bring the genius of Dickens to life using nothing but fifty out of work actors, an animatronic Mr Pickwick and log flume down a river of s**t.  Should they have included the Ripper? Yes... absolutely they should.  Trigger Warning: Nothing to worry your fragile snowflake hearts in this one - it’s just a failed Victorian theme park. Unless you’re scared of saucy Bill Sikes that is.  Music by Steve Adam Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Sound Clips: Dickens World, Chatham - 2008 KOS Media 2008. Made by Paul Jerreat and Julie Maddocks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Jdx1docV

It’s Christmas 1836, it’s Lewes on the south coast of England and a whole load of snugly Dickensian folk are about to get the worst surprise down the chimney since Jimmy Savile played Father Christmas.  In what rosy-cheeked Victorian urchins are already singing is the 30th episode of the CB Wallop podcast join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss the Lewes Avalanche - the massive ball of tightly packed snow and ice that let go of a mountain and hurled itself at the good Christian people of Boulder Row. Are there any mountains in Lewes?.. No... there are not.     Trigger Warning: This is mainly making fun of Lewes - so if you’re from Lewes I say look elsewhere - also if you’re not a big fan of children being suffocated to death at Christmas time probably steer clear as well. Otherwise it’s perfectly reasonable family entertainment.  Music by Steve Adam Written and Researched by Phil Lucas Edited by Phil Jerrod Music Clips: Avalanche - The White Death Pioneer Productions for Channel 4 https://

It’s 1975, it’s fancy central London and at Moorgate Underground Station a load of miserable commuters are waiting to catch the worst tube journey since Phil Lucas passed his kidney stones.  In what vastly overpaid tube drivers are already complaining to their union is the 29th episode of the CB Wallop Podcast, Join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Moorgate Tube Crash - the weird and mysterious tale of how a perfectly healthy man, on a perfectly normal morning, drove his perfectly maintained train into a very big wall.  Was he startled by a pesky ghost? ... no.. no he wasn’t.  Trigger Warning: This one’s proper carnage. If you’re scared of the tube this isn’t going to help at all. There is lots of claustrophobia, lots of crushing, some amputations and one very, very scary ghost story. Mind the gap my friends.   Music by Steve Adam Sound Clips: Disaster - Moorgate train disaster - 28/02/1975 Discovery Channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iem5zLPniTk&t=496s Steve Harley - Mak

It’s 1955. It’s Le Mans, France and a quarter of a million people have turned out to watch one of the most boring sporting events on the planet - The Le Mans 24 Hour.     In what rich, champagne-spraying playboys are already toasting as the 28th lap of the CB Wallop podcast, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss the Le Mans Motor Racing Disaster of 1955 - Dozens of very fast cars, thousands of very boring miles, and one tragic decision that led to the worst accident in motor racing history.   Is motor racing still boring though? ... yes... yes it is.   Trigger Warning: This one is all fun until about halfway through - then it’s really nasty. It has lots and lots of decapitations in it. It’s pretty horrid, but nothing too graphic (although Sterling Moss does get pissed on from a tree). It’s mainly about Motor Racing though, which, as I’m sure you know, is terribly boring.  Music by Steve Adam Sound Clips: Le Mans Motor Racing Disaster (1955) | British Pathé https://www.youtube.com/watch?v

It's 1996. It's literally every country in the world (apart from Bermuda) and McDonald's have just released a burger specifically designed for wankers.  In what fast food executives are already calling the Mc27th Deluxe episode of the CB Wallop Podcast, join Phil Jerrod and Phil Lucas as they discuss The Arch Deluxe - the burger for urban sophisticates that came with its own line dance, included a special 'adult' sauce for grownups and ended up costing the big red clown hundreds of millions of dollars. But was it a worse idea than Onion Nuggets? .. no... no it was not. Trigger Warning: Nothing to worry about mate, it's just burgers this one.  Music by Steve Adam 1996 - McDonald's - Arch Deluxe & Fish Fillet Deluxe Commercial Consumer Time Capsule https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY4slRAtpE4 McDonald's Arch Deluxe Commercial Director Daniel Ducovny, Location McDonald's Test Kitchen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_TwtdTUQNo Chill Day - Relaxing LoFi Hip-Hop (Copyright Free) Music By: LAKEY