Ask A Death Doula

In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, I’m going to show you how writing a forgiveness letter can break the chains of these heavy emotions and allow you to have the future you want, and to be anything and everything you want to be in this life. Forgiveness can set you free. 

1. The Two States of Being [2:52] – We are holistic beings, and this means we are made up of four bodies of energy – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. We are equal parts of each of these four bodies of energy. At the end of life, our physical body begins to diminish, and our spiritual body of energy begins to grow. Witnessing this is a profound experience, and there is a certain part of this process where a person will have one foot in this world and one foot in the next. This is what I refer to as gaining their “spiritual eyes.” It is as if they tap into some kind of infinite intelligence and suddenly awaken to so much deep spiritual wisdom that had eluded them previously. They say things like, “I get it now!” and make sense of their past experiences and regrets. Their painful memories and hardships of life take on a new meaning and they tell me they all happened to give them an opportunity to evolve and connect with their “soul self.” It is soul growth – a growth of consciousness – and it is extre

Big Ideas: 1. How We Created Such a Dysfunctional Relationship with Death [5:19] – As a young nurse, I witnessed how poorly end of life was going for the vast majority of my patients and their families. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that worked in the medical system, so hearing about people getting sick and dying was something that I heard being discussed at a young age. I was subjected to the topic and understood from the perspective of people caring for those at end of life how much compassion was required in this space. The realization that end of life was going to happen to everyone was ingrained in me early on – most people do not have the opportunity to understand this. Human beings have been around for thousands of years, and they’ve been dying the whole time. So, at what point did we start trying to run from death and treat it as optional? Over the last century, medical advancements, drastic increases in life expectancy, and the cultural shift around death have removed the awareness of our e

Big Ideas: 1. What is a Pet Doula [0:30] – There are people in this holistic end of life care space who are being drawn to work specifically with animals. It is incredible and incredibly needed. We have known for a long time that we need to start offering more support to people at the end of life, but what about our pets? Death is a natural experience, and all living beings will experience it and the people who love them really need that help and guidance. Now those who are end of life care providers can choose to focus their services within this niche or include this as part of their other services. End of Life Pet Doulas are a new calling! How beautiful is that? 2. My Personal Story with My Dog’s Death [1:58] – I used to have a Golden Retriever named Max. He was one of the greatest loves of my life. My heart bursts with love for him still when I think of him. He was 11 years old, and my son called me up while I was out of town one day and told me he wouldn’t eat his food. I knew something was wrong right

Big Ideas:   1.What Psilocybin is [00:27] – Psilocybin is the main psychedelic compound found in “magic mushrooms.” The talk of using this psychedelic at the end of life has been a hot topic and is being studied intensively. It is being looked at as having potentially effective medicinal/therapeutic properties in the treatment of fear, anxiety, and depression for those at the end of life. It is a naturally occurring compound found in specific species of mushrooms. It has been used for thousands of years all around the world as part of spiritual rituals and cultural ceremonies. In the 50’s and 60’s, Psilocybin started to be studied for its therapeutic properties in the use of treating a plethora of ailments and conditions. Everything from addiction, anxiety, depression, and other various forms of mental illness were treated in clinical studies with thousands of patients. In the 1970’s this research was abruptly ended. It has recently started up again with a renewed focal point on studying the use of this comp

Big Ideas: A Breakdown Leads to a Breakthrough [3:20] – Many times the most painful moments in our lives lead to the best moments because it gives us an opportunity to find ourselves. The darkest points in our lives turn into the brightest when we grow spiritually through them. We are able to gain so much perspective through the struggles and challenges we face if we look at them through the proper lens. No one knows this better than Patty and Greg Howe. Greg was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2016 and doctors told him he only had a couple of weeks or a few months at most to live. This led to him searching for alternative treatments because his doctors told him they had nothing available that could help him. He found himself feeling really low when confronted with this intense adversity – but after a year of living after his initial diagnosis, he found his true strength and the beauty of life through overcoming his fear. Still alive and well, it is such an inspiration to hear him speak from a place of hope and j

Big Ideas: 1.Bringing Back the Awareness of Death Being a Natural Part of Life. [2:55] – l – there were two things I’ve learned over the course of my career as a Hospice and Oncology nurse that made it go 80 to 90% better for people: The first thing is planning ahead with Advanced Directives and thinking about what you do or don’t want at the end of life. The second thing is knowing the basic skills for how to care for somebody at the end of life in order to facilitate a good death.   2. The Five P’s [5:00] – Darren is a veteran and there is an acronym they used in the armed forces that is referred to as “The Five P’s”. It stands for Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. This can equally be applied to the end of life and death care. If you don’t plan for it, nine out of ten times the end of life will not go well. If you do plan for it, people know where they stand, and the end of life can be a pleasant and enlightening experience. If we don’t plan, everything falls on our family to make decisions and ver

Big Ideas: 1.We Have to Start Being Guided by Our Hearts [6:32] – We have to break the cycle of living from a place that is guided by our ego. A place that leads to pointing fingers and creates hate and division and that comes from a place of fear, shame, and guilt. We must instead allow our heart guidance system to show us the way forward so that we can change our world for the better. We have really lost our way in nearly every category imaginable – the way we treat each other, the way we treat our planet, the way we treat animals. If we live only through our egos, we will continue down a path of destruction. So, remember that we all have a choice to allow our heart guidance to show us the way and we should allow it to do just that. 2.Sobering Veteran Statistics [10:56] – Our veterans have always been an area of so much pain and suffering. They are asked to stand up for their country – to fight for and protect the freedoms that the rest of us enjoy. We applaud them and celebrate them for their heroism dur

Big Ideas: Food and Stress [4:30] – Stress can come in many forms and one of them is environmental stressors. In our world today, most of our food sources are empty calories with a lack of nutrients and an abundance of chemicals and contaminants. This leads to an increase in inflammation and stress in the body which over time can develop into disease. Elyse says that she personally pays more attention to the ingredients listed on the foods she consumes rather than on the nutrient panel. She emphasizes understanding what she is putting into her body and as a rule of thumb she believes if you can’t pronounce it, you shouldn’t eat it. Many chronic illnesses can not only be stopped but reversed through proper diet and exercise and lifestyle changes.   DNA Expression [9:12] – Within 90 days you can change your gene expression by changing what you put into your body because our cells replicate themselves. This process occurs every 90 days - so if you eat well, exercise, and take care of your body, that replicatio

How do we reduce the fear of death? - by learning the truth about it. In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, I have the great pleasure of sharing the Art of Doulagiving Graduate series with Certified Doulagiver Teri-Portugal Gooden. Teri’s first experience of death was with her beloved Gaga. When alone in the room as Gaga with transition, she sat up and exclaimed with excitement to Teri “Not to be afraid because its beautiful!!!!! And showered Teri with red kisses all over her face just moments before she took her last breath.    In this episode, you will hear: When Teri first knew she had the calling to be a Doulagiver [3:06] – Teri had always worked and volunteered with terminally ill patients and even wrote a paper about it in the fourth grade. She always felt strongly about holding space for elderly people. She was profoundly moved by sitting with them and hearing their stories and their conversations at the end of life. Teri had a gift of feeling comfortable in this space and it empowered her to become a

In this episode of "Ask a Death Doula", I talk with Reid Peterson the founder of The Grief Refuge App. We have an insightful conversation about grief, what is is, how it works and what you can do to thrive through the grief journey. 2. Why Grief is so Complicated [8:49] – Grief is painful, and people want to avoid pain of all types – emotional pain is particularly complicated to deal with. Many people associate feeling this kind of pain as not normal and then crave a sense of normalcy in response. This can lead to premature dismissal of their grief. It leads to a lack of respect in our society for the grieving process – it can feel taboo or stigmatized. Even though pain is uncomfortable, it is a signal we receive to let us know something is wrong and we need to acknowledge it. We don’t want to be in pain, but we have to recognize it and understand where it is coming from so that we can address it properly. Ignoring it is only masking it and giving it an opportunity to grow and transmute into something even mo

Be Present [2:47] – The magic is in the present moment. Be fully present - not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Most of us don’t live in the present moment. Focus on what’s in front of you – what do you see, what do you hear, what do you feel in your heart? If you are fully present, you will get everything you need to know how to be of service to a person at end of life. People may say they’re fine, but if you really observe in the moment, you will know the truth. Trust your “knowing.” If your mind is all over the place, you can’t lean into your intuition properly. Ground your energy and quiet your mind before entering the room with a patient so you can be settled and truly present in the moment for that person.   Meet the Person "Where They Are" Emotionally [6:35] – Many people are in crisis by the time they reach out for end-of-life support services. End of life has three phases – the Shock Phase, the Stabilization Phase, and the Transition Phase. It’s in the Shock Phase – the initia

When you practice self-care, you are caring for everyone else. The better version of you – the healthier, the happier, the more vibrant you are – the better you will care in all areas of your life. It’s so important. In this episode of Ask a Death Doula, I will share with you the vital importance of daily self care in all four bodies of energy. The time to implement self care is not when you feel stressed out, It is key to incorporate it ahead of time. Understanding what you need to nourish your beautiful being is easier than you think- and will make ALL the difference in the world in how you enjoy life every single day. In this episode, you will learn: The Four Bodies of Energy [1:50] – You are composed of four bodies of energy within you. The Physical Body, The Mental Body (your analytical mind), The Emotional Body (feelings, traumas, etc.), and The Spiritual Body. These bodies of energy exist in equal parts. Working with those at the end of life has taught me everything about how to live and there is a sp

Today is National Death Doula Day and we are celebrating with a very special podcast and free family caregiver training!   Death used to be revered as a sacred part of our life’s journey. It is only within the last 100 years that we've absolutely removed the end of life from being a natural component of our lives.    This removal of end of life has, in my opinion, caused death to become 1,000 times more difficult for both patients and family members.    End of life can be a positive and sacred experience. It is with the right education, kindness, and support that we can have the end of life go well for every person - everywhere in the world.   Due to current reimbursement structures, mainstream medical is only able to supply a certain amount of time and support for patients and families at the end of life - but end of life is 24/7 and the need for more support in this area of care is extremely great.    “The minute we put a dollar amount and a time limit on dying, we're doing something wrong.” - Suzanne B. O’

The goal of the International Doulagivers Institute is to support communities worldwide with free end-of-life doula community caregiver training. Doulagivers International recognizes that education and engagement are the keys to a peaceful passing. One of the organization's key initiatives is Death Doula Training for Families via their Annual World Training Day event - a free public education program that empowers families and takes the fear out of the end of life.   One of our greatest examples of just who worldwide this initiative and movement is can be found in looking to our Doulagivers Thailand Lead Trainers. In 2019, I had the pleasure of traveling all over the beautiful country of Thailand teaching the Doulagivers Level 1 and Family Caregiver Training to hundreds of people. Even more amazing is that we have an established group of Doulagivers Lead Trainers there who continue teaching these skills and education to the people of Thailand in partnership with the country’s Ministry of Health!   In this wee

I believe that this is the true purpose of this life’s journey. To find what your gift is to share in this world and make it a better place for everyone in it.  This can ONlY come from listening to your heart. Where is it calling you to go, and then having the courage to do it.  You are the ONLY one that knows what your purpose is and you are the ONlY one that can make it happen. In this week’s podcast, I have the great pleasure of interviewing Amy McLaren and we talk all about her new book It’s called Passion to Purpose: A Seven-Step Journey to Shed Self-Doubt, Find Inspiration, and Change Your Life (and the World) for the Better.   Imagine if everyone took a few minutes each day to make the world a better place using their unique talents fueled their deepest passions. What an amazing world we would live in! This book is your guide to discovering your passion, living your purpose, and making a positive impact on the world. Amy passion for world travel and education kick-started her journey from unfulfi

Big Ideas: Finding Your Purpose [5:06] – As an elementary school teacher, Amy enjoyed her life, but knew that she wasn’t fulfilled. She felt called to helping others internationally and it led her to forming her mission to help build schools for children affected by conflict in Kenya. She always had a passion for traveling the world and was able to channel her entrepreneurial work to feed that passion. There was a sense inside her that her life needed a change, and she followed that inspiration to create the life of her dreams. We all have to start somewhere, and when you feel pulled to a new direction in life, you have to act on it because you are the only person who can do that for yourself. I experienced the same “calling” during my nursing career and following that inspiration led to creating Doulagivers and having such a wonderful impact in the world. When you start sharing your inspiration with other people, you attract others into your life who want to help you succeed. Imagine if everyone took a few

Big Ideas: What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Direct

Big Ideas: What is a Health Care Proxy? [00:20] – There is a document called an Advance Directive. It is split into two parts – a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy. The Living Will states what you want or what you don’t want in terms of care if you were to become terminally ill. The Health Care Proxy is a person appointed by you to speak your wishes listed in the Living Will for you in the event that you become incapacitated and cannot speak for yourself. Depending on what state you live in, a Health Care Proxy may also be known as a Health Care Surrogate, or a Health Care Power of Attorney. The role of this person remains the same regardless of what title is used where you live. Doulagivers Pearl: an Advance Directive is known as a legal document, but it is NOT 100% legally binding. People sometimes think that if they have completed this step that they are completely covered – but that is unfortunately not necessarily true. If a doctor does not agree with the instructions set forth in your Advance Direct

Big Ideas: 1.What is a Shared Death Experience [6:56] – A shared death experience occurs when somebody is dying and a caregiver, loved one, or a bystander feels like they shared in that person’s transition. In some cases, this person will observe the initial stages of the afterlife – where they see the dying person there or sense that it is where they are going. It is sharing the journey of the experience with the dying person. It is the movement from this human experience through the portal of death to another realm of existence and the observer feels like they shared in that journey.   2.There are 4 Types of Shared Death Experiences [8:49] – These are “modes of participation” for the experiencer. There are four ways a person can feel themselves in the shared death experience. The first and most common type is sensing. Sensing that a loved one or some person is transitioning. It can be bedside but is most commonly remote. You can be halfway around the world and have a sense that someone you love is dyin